gobbledigook.

siesta fiesta.

2010-06-20T18:20:00.001+08:00

This break is turning out pretty well i'd say. The best part is naturally overloading on sleep at the most inappropriate hours. Pigging it out on the bed is the most decadent treat after a long night of soccer. That being said, the world cup isn't helping a wee bit. In fact, my bio clock and sleeping pattern has done a topsy-turvy one-eighty; day has become night and vice versa. But this beats school hands and body lying down. I was actually getting in the school mode, with the early morning lessons (read: 12pm) and hectic work schedule. Well there is another week of break left, and i shall milk it for what its worth.

The relative calm of my uneventful life was shattered recently, well maybe not exactly shattered, but rocked somewhat. Suddenly so many things are happening at once and i feel left behind. I am due to move house again, for the second time in my 22 short years alive. Downsizing to a smaller unit somewhere in Marsiling. i'm not exactly rubbing my hands in gleeful anticipation but my family would greatly benefit from the move. It is a huge possibility that i would be room-less, not that i'd mind, but i'll miss my current one. Personal space is not an existing entity in my household. Maybe its time to move out? Kidding only, mum. But it'd be nice to get me a vespa eh. Sacrificing my privacy for a bike seems like a reasonable trade-off.

Quite recent my paternal grandfather was admitted to hospital and turned out he has stage four cancer, which is terminal. He's staying over with us since his discharge and mum is his caregiver. Its a bit of a lifestyle change as i'm not used to see him so often. Initially i thought why but i dismissed that thought immediately and kicked myself for being so selfish. Its quite depressing to see him so frail and fragile, bedridden and unable to talk. It is of upmost importance to give him the best care and treatment while he is staying with us.

This kind of coincided with my ONOW service learning project with the Singapore Cheshire Home. Glad to be done with it. Can't divulged much details about that but it did prepare me mentally and psychologically towards my grandfather's condition.

And yes Zaknius the world cup is here. The previous post was a day before the first game and honestly its been quite a bummer of a world cup. Its weird and crazy at the same time. The french and english are like a snowballing train wreck. No country has exceptionally stood out after the first round of group games, maybe argentina and brasil the better of the lot. The top teams are toothless in attack and clueless defensively. The minnow and smaller nations are adapting a mourinho-esque style of play which is tactically sound but has zero entertainment value. Sure you can frustrate your opponents and maybe nick a lucky goal on the counter. But for fuck's sake this is a tournament. You can draw all your games with none scored or conceded and you'll get booted out for sure. Its the anti-thesis of soccer, you can't score if don't attack.

That being said, Italy was hugely disappointing in their opening game against Paraguay. Playing wide with players out of position is not something i'd expect of Lippi. Gilardino was nonsense as usual, typical of his performance at Milan. Iaquinta and Marchisio and Montolivo too. The brighter sparks were Pepe and De Rossi, perhaps shouldering much of the attacking and defensive duties respectively. Zambrotta and Cannavaro are past their prime and Chelini and Criscito and obviously not up to mark.

The injury to Buffon is a huge blow and i have no idea who this Marchetti is. The report on Lippi screaming at his attackers when they failed to score during at a training session is funny. Well Lippi, you brought it upon yourself. When half your team are from Juventus who finished 7 in Serie A, then something is seriously wrong. And thats for leaving out Del Piero, Totti, Perotta and Cassano. I hope a much better performance tonight against New Zealand, nothing less than a comprehensive victory.

The guys and girls are going to Kl next weekend, damn, was looking forward to that. Is ICP test better be worth my sacrifice. Need some retail therapy, haven't been shopping for a while but i'm afflicted with the great june financial crisis as well. Maybe i need to start working again.

calm before the storm.

2010-06-10T20:37:00.001+08:00

I'm done with MSTs, no actually just MST. i only had 1 test for marketing, which was so-so. The other modules were mainly project based and it has been a pretty relaxed term i would say. Now a 2 week break awaits and frankly i am, bored. i kind of enjoy going to school everyday and never once have i dread making the 1 hour trip to Dover. but then again a break is nice, considering the numerous projects and exams looming next term. Hence, the calm before the storm

i really want to blog but i can't seem to find anything blog worthy to note. Till then.

one for the naughties.

2010-06-05T14:43:00.003+08:00

Well this is awkward. Looking back at the very previous post, this seems like sacrilege. An unforgivable sin of the highest order. In a way its a long overdue post. Even that would be an understatement. 9 months is by no means a short period of time. Heck you can conceive a baby at that. In the past there've been prolonged absences and barren runs one too many. This is not a re-birth or re-awakening. This is simply: i'm back.

For those of you who've been living in a cave all this while, i've hit the school benches once again. Yes, i'm back at school. i am now a first year student at Singapore Polytechnic doing a diploma in media and communication. School has been great, i'm enjoying every second of it and i have a fantabulously awesome class. What more can i ask?

Time fries by, i mean flies by when you are having fun. True enough 2 months of school passed at the blink of an eye. I was waist deep in projects, assignments and deadlines and with the 2 weeks break around the corner, a respite in in sight. A well deserved break is due to refresh and re-energise.

i would like to dedicate this post to those who have visited this blog all this while, only to be disappointed with no new entries. i've been busy, well not really. i was working for a govt agency 8 months since post TTSH and right up to school. Nothing really interesting and blog-worthy. It was an extended vacation of sorts and it was good times.

And to my ex-colleague, RIP Huda. You will always be in my thoughts and prayers.

A post a day keeps the rustiness away.

2009-09-10T22:42:00.000+08:00

Trying to inculcate a habit of blogging everyday. Easier said than done. But i'm trying.

open coffeeshop.

2009-09-09T21:00:00.000+08:00

I arrived at work this morning to a rude surprise: my pant's zipper were undone. From Woodlands to Novena i traveled with my coffee shop exposed, an hour worth's of journey and nobody had the sympathy to tell me. Thanks. Made my morning.

damned if you do, damned if you don't.

2009-09-06T23:19:00.000+08:00

This barren run is prolonging longer than i'd expected. This rustiness is corroding myself deeper than i'd realized. It feels good to be writing again after all this while, a lengthy period of uncertainty and inactivity. Every since i failed to get into NUS, well, i've been unsure on what my next step is.

Yes i found a new job, by no means any more secure but a job nonetheless. While i am still formulating my plans, i found new hobbies, which i won't divulge as yet to keep me occupied. I'm quite excited after the preliminary plannings, stuffs which can keep me occupied in the free time, so none goes to waste. I'm still perennially broke, so note to self: start saving more.

Even so, i'm still pretty sluggish in terms of rate of work. Really motivation-less and severely lacking in enthusiasm. Hopefully in this blessed month i shall find my footing and my path.

dear blogger,

2009-07-29T21:49:00.000+08:00

Excuse me blogger, can you comment on this? What is my blog being flagged for? Care to explain and what should i do now. I don't think there is anything objectionable in my blog. I would appreciate some explanation and guidelines on how to disable the flag thing.

limbo.

2009-07-13T22:00:00.000+08:00

What a difference 2 months make. As though i've been through hell and back. Okay that is putting it on the extreme side. The whole range of emotions that i've gone through are both pleasing and teeth clenching frustration. I wouldn't know if this is the better times i've wished in the previous entry, but no regrets; each and every decision and experience. Everything is so abrupt and sudden. I just didn't have time to cherish each and every moment the way i'd wished.

No surprise on the rejection letters. Even on the appeal letter. Thus my education dilemma is thrown into further disarray. Once again, i'm asked no less than a dozen times what my future plans are and my answer is still the same: i don't know. As much as most who suggest SIM, i'm not so keen, i'm not sure why really. Maybe the prospect of a $56k course is really daunting, where failure is really not an option. I don't know which bank i'm going to rob to get the booty, but i feel its not necessary to pay a ransom just to get into an university per se. Now you know where i stand.

The reason why there were no entries for the past 10 odd weeks were, well partly due to laziness as usual but also due to the fact that i was employed. The word is was. I managed to land a job as a temp screening officer at TTSH at the start of May, and is my longest period of employment, NS and moonlighting non withstanding. A job which i begrudgingly accepted because i was well unemployed and getting rather exasperated at that point of time and on the urging of my mum.

I had no qualms working at the frontline of the war against h1n1. Sort of a second NS to me, with better pay. A cool experience working in a hospital with all the hustle and bustle are you. Feels really small among the hive of non-stop activity. The first few days were so-so, i was quite a loner and made to do sedentary roles. I was assigned to the level 1 triage and went to the same station throughout my working life there, with the exception of 2 shifts.

It was at times ad hoc duties which include registration, ushering, security, temperature taking, information counter, delivery and hospital guide. I started out as at visitor registration a job which i first enjoyed at its seated and relatively straight forward. That is until the relatives become straight forward. I got into many arguments regarding the visitors' restriction policy. Of course there were many a time i closed not one, two but 3 eyes but what really irks me were the blatant, ignorant and apathetic attitudes of such visitors. Your're not in a position to make demands and instruct me to your orders. I have a set or protocol and guidelines to follow not just your wimps and fancy.

I got sick of that and then i began doing more ushering and temp scanning. I don't mind standing for long periods of time as long as i'm as far away from the dastardly registration counters as possible. It was then i got to know more of my co-workers and colleagues mainly through the misconception that i'm Chinese. A closely knitted motley crew who were fiercely loyal to our station. I think i took it for granted.

The termination came not too much surprise but i was least expecting it. Just a few days ago a few of the others were terminated in similarly dodgy and questionable circumstances but i didn't give it too much thought. When i was asked to do a questionnaire, i didn't give it much thought too and did it honestly to the best of my knowledge. And within the hour, i received a call of my termination. I was in a daze and i didn't take it too well. I was not satisfied with the bullshit reasons they offered and it appears scripted and insincere.

I don't know if i made the right choice or not. I was given a choice with a decision to make. If i lied, most probably i'll get to keep the job(for the meantime anyway based on the contract) and work with the fear that i lied. And if anything happens to me, and they found out i didn't supply the information to the best of my knowledge, i would be in really hot water. I already have enough medical issues to deal with.

On the other hand i didn't lie, my conscience got the better of me. I wouldn't have a problem lying, but its best to tell the truth. And i got terminated. I suppose the reason is pretty valid. I was really upset with the manner the agency and the hr handled the whole issue. I felt they could have dealt it in a much more better way and not leave us in the lurch. No proper explanation, plenty of loopholes and a blatant disregard for the staffs' welfare. No remuneration, no compensation. After all they did, risking their lives from start to end in aid to curb the spread of an infectious disease that is wrecking havoc in out community. We may be temporary staff on contract, but is this how you show your gratitude? By packing us off in a hurry upon knowing our medical histories?

I'm still reeling from the sudden termination, but i'll come to terms to it soon. Actually i don't give a crap about the job. I'm upset that i won't be able to see and work with my colleagues again. We don't seem like working adults, more like a school class on holiday. It was great while it lasted. Not i've got to move on, repeat the torturous process of looking for a new job and settle the hullabaloo of my further studies.

Dang. No more looking forward to going to work. No more looking forward to breaks. No more looking forward to walking at the linkbridge.

walking on sunshine.

2009-04-29T00:06:00.000+08:00

Okay i've doodled and dawdled over this entry for 3 weeks now. Too long too long. Apparent i wanted to reminiscent over the last 2 years but its just not meant to be. I guess its not just worth it, hence my mind's reluctance to have a verbal diarrhoea. This unemployment is killing me, i could be doing worthwhile but instead i'm just bumming around everyday, listless and penniless. Till' better times folks.

2009-04-02T02:51:00.003+08:00

My boredom continues. I don't really like to post videos, but i stumbled upon these two which i think are worth sharing. I'm not those who are on youtube 24/7, so yah enough of my excuses.

all these things that i've done.

2009-04-02T02:10:00.000+08:00

After the frenzy and flurry of blogging activity for the past few weeks, things have taken a step down for the moment. The momentum died a bit there. Time for a little recap? If i can recall properly that is.

I think i've been quite idle the few weeks leading up to march, hence no entries. Mostly spent on researching for potential schools, applying for the local universities, career fairs and open houses. Nothing worthy of note.

During the school holidays week spent 7 days of training at an unused train station near an exhumed cemetery. All i can say is, quite an experience. Effectively my last week of ns.

Went for my wisdom teeth surgery last Friday, the top two by extraction and bottom two by surgery. Under general anesthesia of course. Not as painful as i initially feared. But plenty of swelling and blood, no sensation of your jaws with the tongue stuck in between.

I'm into day 5 and i'm recovering well. Been sustaining on porridge, tau huay, campbell soup and ice cream, solely. Suffering from a mild form of carbs withdrawal symptoms. I'm perennially hungry, and drinking lots of water plus on a flatulence frenzy. But alls well and i'm enjoying my 8 days mc.

Went to the streets today in search for employment. After countless curriculum vitaes, resumes and cover letters send without any replies, its time to take a proactive approach. Pray i'll nail a job soon.

surfin' bird.

2009-03-20T10:12:00.001+08:00

Relinked.

This really cracks me up.

busy bee.

2009-03-12T22:16:00.003+08:00

i just finished my curriculum vitae, which took me 3 hours to do. i'm pretty much drained. i don't like to blog when i'm mentally tired and devoid of ideas, its reflected in the words you type. A proper entry in the next few days i hope, days packed like sardines. Blame it on ord-oh.

fix me.

2009-02-22T06:19:00.001+08:00

i want to go.

requiem for a dream.

2009-02-20T03:30:00.000+08:00

I found out yesterday that some polytechnic courses start on the 14th of April. Which is like 5 days after i ord. Like. Okay never mind. This is getting a bit messy as firstly i've missed the jae which was about a month ago. That would have ensured a direct and easier entry into a course of my choice. But i'm still able to apply now, to the discretion of the institution subject to the availability of courses and using my A level results(O levels for the former if i'm not wrong).

Then comes the issue of whether i'm mentally ready to start schooling again. Its been nearly 2 and a half years since i last walked out of the school gates. And to be truthful, 5 days is not a long time. I've got to admit i'm not exactly keen to hit the books so soon. Then again i wasn't ready when i enlisted. I wasn't ready when i went to jc. To sum it all, i'm not ready for anything to be honest, and i never will. But thats a story for another day.

This 2 year thing has virtually eliminated whatever surviving brain cells i have left. I'd like some cool down time, to recollect my thoughts and restrategise my battle plan. And of course, feel free to diss me on this i'd like to slack for a while. Do the things i've always wanted to do and work for a while. I need to save up and need a source to supplement my spendings. I'm a man with needs and wants. Hopefully, i'm ready for school next year.

At the same time i still want to try for NUS or NTU again this year, which the results will only be out around May? And there is the career fair next month which i'll definitely be going to further research on prospective school and jobs. I know this is easier said than done. But i shall try my best to make it work and i must be confident, somehow.

Everybody's talking about the recession now, how bad its affecting employment, salaries and such. And its a tough time to search for a job now. I thought, how bad can it be. How naive and ignorant can i get. Seeing friends who ord last year still jobless. Prices of commodities rising. Companies downsizing and people taking pay cuts. You only see and read it in the papers thinking it won't affect you. But when it unfolds before your eyes, then you see the extent of the damage.

In the papers too they reported that the ones still spending exorbitantly are the youths, while others are cutting costs, which i think is true. I'm culpable and partially guilty of that. I think this part of an ns mentality, knowing that your next month's allowance will always be there. Sort of a job security, in a sense. I've heard of people who blow an entire month's allowance in a weekend of clubbing and drinking, so no surprises on the newspaper report.

Sidetracked a bit there. But i think everything is quite relevant under the 'dream' part. So many things to do, so little time. And if your're wondering why i'm blogging at such an unearthly hour, i'm in the middle of a 4 day mc.

absent with apologies.

2009-02-17T22:00:00.002+08:00

People ask me, what are my plans after NS. Without fail, i would pause, hesitate, ponder, err and say i don't know. Cause its the truth and nothing but the truth. They in turn raise their eyebrows in disbelief, a snigger, a snot. An incredulous 'what?', a sarcastic 'really?', an acerbic 'sure or not'. I would be lost for words, trying to conjure a meek answer, 'study', 'still considering the many options' and 'i really don't know'. This serves nothing better than to cast deeper doubts that are already bugging me. What they seem to say rather nonchalantly, are Utopian at best, given the circumstances i'm in. Not that i'm wallowing in self pity or singing an ode of woe to anyone willing to listen to my troubles.

Not that i'm saying said people are apathetic or ignorant either. Maybe just blissfully unaware. Not everybody is as blessed, fortunate and lucky as you all are. With good grades which ensures a straight path to a university, surely its a welcomed headache. With parents forking out every cent of your educational expenses, whether merited or not. Private institutions and foreign schools wouldn't be out of the question, just a matter of where and when.

The saying goes-dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today. Imply i'm lacking ambition and taking an easy route is unwarranted and baseless. Sure what i'm planning seem like a step backwards but hey i'm taking risks too. I'm putting things on the line and making sacrifices. I don't have much of a choice and have to make do with what i have. The best in the circumstances i'm in.

Still, i see some uncharted avenues from what was said, so room for research. All is not bleak, maybe i should hold my head higher and a solution may be in sight.

the supposed.

2009-02-10T01:31:00.000+08:00

What ifs mean nothing if they do not happen. But i shall still state it, i'm supposed to frigging ORD yesterday. There, i've said it. I don't necessarily feel better but its off my chest.

the quickie.

2009-02-05T00:15:00.000+08:00

As soon as it has started, it has ended. The initial flirtations looked promising. Creeping up slowing, building the tempo. The bursts of passion were evident for all to see; mouths agape, fingers pointing, whispering discreetly, heads shaking. The frivolousness of it all was astounding, boldly working its way to the climax. Hands moving furiously at breakneck speed in the dark of the night under the moonlit sky. Breaths were deep and hard, focused on reaching the ultimate target.

As the clock ticks, movements were more frantic, trying to steady a throbbing body. Finally with dilated rolled-back eyes, i've mustered an entry. (=

Still not too bad, i'm progressing quite healthily. Short of a hat trick of entries in as many days, i'll leave that for some other time. Or else everybody can strike lottery if i keep this up. Maybe i was struck by the lightning bolt of inspiration on my way home. Or the prospect of ORD is thawing my senses and causing my juices to start flowing again. Its possible my new swanky template, designed by Kouki Aki(free publicity!) might have given me the impetus to revive this spluttering blog.

Haven't been up to much these days. Woke up horribly late on Tuesday, and had to plan B. Slept through(literally) the whole day on Wednesday, an onslaught of extreme unexplained fatigue. But exciting days ahead. Primary school reunion on Friday, birthday party on Saturday.Time to rekindle those old flames and check out new ones. Respectively.

a day in mourning.

2009-02-02T22:30:00.001+08:00

Today i shall create history by blogging consecutively for two days straight since dinosaurs roamed the earth. Maybe not that recent, i'm lazy to check my achieve. My memory is failing me. Nonetheless i should give myself a pat on the back and buy a giant twirly lollipop to spur myself to blog more religiously.

Top of the news, had this awkward 15+ minutes conversation with my parents about my post-NS plans at 9pm over half-boiled eggs. Caught me by surprise, the conversation not the eggs. A subject that i've been avoiding and the confronting nature had me stumbling for words. So much for my glorious masterplans that i had with great confidence blogged in the few previous posts.

I tried to be politically correct and beat around the bush just to avoid answering the question head on but my parents saw through me immediately. Was given a rather stern, not harsh though, dressing down about recession and the difficulty to find jobs. And the greatest fear that i may not go back to school which in truth left me in doubt and questioning even myself. Looks like i'm back to square one and back to the drawing board?

Second item of the day, i have on a few occasions in this blog subtly revealed my support of a certain north-east club. Today is the day its a secret no more. The black and white font and background is not a mere coincidence. I think its about time i voice my opinion in support or disdain for Newcastle United Football Club if i were to consider myself a true magpie.

In a time of internal turmoil, mired in the battle for survival in and off the pitch, i hate to start on a sour note to lose one of our best players and loyal servant for over a decade non other than Shay Given. In my opinion one of the best goalkeepers in recent memory. I'm sure the club did all it could to retain his services but its a little bit of too little too late isn't it? A huge chunk of it rests heavily on owner Mike Ashley's shoulders(that is a story for another day) but i think its too convenient to lay the blame solely on him(that too is another story for another day). Its a sad day for the club and a half-mast is apt.

i've got the heebie-jeebies.

2009-02-01T19:43:00.001+08:00

That is the the general state of affairs. You can just feel it in the air around the room. Becoming sort of a norm around here. Such is the sorry state of this neglected and underutilized blog on the verge of a financial bailout. Land of adiboo is going into administration. All is not gloom. A comeback is on the cards. A master plan to restore itself into its former glory is in the pipeline. A new swashbuckling template is waiting to be unveiled so stay tuned folks. The issue on the dearth of entries shall be addressed soon.

I turned 21 3 weeks ago, a 'coming of age' as some put it. For what i wonder. To finally act my age? Yeah most probably. I've been on a gaming rampaging spree these few weeks, something a 21 year old shouldn't be doing. I'm utterly ashamed of myself. Next weekend I'll be playing again.

Most of my 103 buddies would be completing their NS term in less than 2 weeks, my 'supposed ORD date' as i like to term it, which leaves me still serving till April. I took advantage of the CNY break to clear my off for a week, and i don't feel like going back tomorrow, really, can i not?

Still on the topic of ORD which i am about to soon, i have yet to settle my schooling/working issues. I should have post-its everywhere i go to remind me of such important things which are always slipping from my mind.

Ok my mind just hit a wall again. Blog again soon.

in retro specs.

2008-12-11T22:45:00.002+08:00

The end is nigh, and the finishing line is within sight. Well not quite but with 4 months to go, i'm relishing striking off every day that passes by on the calendar, reminding me that it is soon time to finally leave that forsaken place. I'm rubbing my hands in glee. You can almost see me smirking a mile away.

I might have said this like 4 times, so wouldn't kill to make it 5. I think i'm in a quandary. I may have rode on the wheels of folly and apathy while my mind rotted, body decayed and time laid to waste. I've perfected the art of procrastination, skiving and slacking. At the same time devoting my energy to winning eleven and sleeping in every possible manner and positions imaginable. I'm in such a state of inactivity that the inertia is immense. Its like waking from a deep slumber, eager to take a first step. But a step in any direction leads to nowhere without the map and compass. What i need is that map and compass.

My immediate priority is to get my priorities straight. But haven't the slightest idea what my next move is. Whether i would pack my ass off to school and hit the books again, train to be the first Malay PM or run away to Alaska and be a greenpeace activist. Barring the latter two, studying is the obvious choice and things would be much simpler if i were admitted into a local university. Nevertheless i'm keeping my options open to private institutions, foreign universities, polytechnics et al. Not only that, i still need to take into account the tuition fees, living expenses(food, accomodation, transport where applicable) but most importantly: the course/subject major. Choosing a bride is much more easier.

Once again i open this invitation. Feel free to shout out, write a 5,000 word essay or arrange a business lunch to express your two cents worth of opinions or disgusts of my academic dilemma. Any form of response is much appreciated and every word goes a long way in helping me out, i can vouch your for that.

A point to note, this entry is one month in the making, a clear example of my points above. I will try, for the umpteenth time to blog more frequent if my mind is not jumbled and muddled up with all this mambo jumbo. I don't want to grow up :(

an old ghost comes haunting.

2008-10-17T00:21:00.002+08:00

Woots! I think i saw her: that coffee bean girl. Positively, she walked past. That distinctive look in her eyes.

My, what a small world.

But Australia ain't that close eh?

alright alright!

2008-09-25T22:47:00.009+08:00

My first foray into online shopping. Exciting or what. With such ease using my newly acquired mastercard debitcard. Pardon my bad photography skills-poor lighting + my shaky hands.

Actually this one play cheat a bit. It looks unopened, but isn't. I ripped it apart the moment my eyes were set on it.

2nd package. Just came in today.

And guess who is coming to town.

Got the early bird ticket. Pricey but the show would definitely be a blast.

Nice to be back blogging. Hopefully i can keep up this streak.

2008-08-24T21:22:00.002+08:00

The wait might prove a little long, but it will be worth the wait. Its taking me longer than usual to post, with the delayed reconstruction of the template and all. I'm feeling a bit downcast and till brighter days ahead. Stay tuned. I'll be back. Promise.

definitely maybe.

2008-05-16T01:40:00.002+08:00

Maybe i should switch to multiply. Has sections for everything eg. music, blog, books, pictures. Maybe not xanga, LJ, wordpress. Quite similar to blogger. What say you?

extreme makeover.

2008-05-11T04:12:00.001+08:00

I need a new template. This one has been here forever and its getting dull and predictable. Any takers?

life in cartoon motion.

2008-04-28T22:32:00.003+08:00

Today was a typical day when i woke up, just that i over-snoozed my alarm and i couldn't put on my contacts before i went to work.

Was stuck in a monster traffic jam at the BKE, which snaked all the way from mandai exit to the city. A 1 hour torture ride from woodlands to hq 4th cd division.

Lounged around in the office watching others do work.

Attempted to resume work after morning break, but my mind was disabled by a particularly hearty breakfast.

Went to visit the washroom in the afternoon and caught a wierdo colleague red-handed flooding the urinal, who upon detected, bolted on sight. Tried to reason with him, but met with silence and a few grunts. So , pau-to him to officer.

Found out a platoon-mate was sent to DB for starring in a series of obscene strip dance clips which were posted on youtube(not for the faint-hearted). If you think you can stomach some hardcore porn, search under mr habib. But most likely the clips would have been removed by now.

Was psyched up to go gym during lunchtime, only for an inconsiderate SC to hold on to the keys, and was coincidentally out of the station. How convenient.

Had an unusual visitor today, erm a lady who was an NSmen. Yup you heard me right.

Then went to lepak at the store to kebas some necessities.

Quite happening ah become corporal.

out. of. this. body.

2008-04-14T21:28:00.000+08:00

I have this weird feeling, that i don't feel what i do. As though i'm detached from my body, where i don't feel happy or sad. Am i really that desensitized?

curse the stick.

2008-03-30T02:49:00.001+08:00

Admittedly, it was sheer stupidity on my part. Without a doubt i stand accused, guilty as charged. There is a saying, "do anything you want, but don't get caught". Obviously i've flouted the golden rule.

To some, this is discipline meted out. A form of punishment and deterrence. I couldn't be more indifferent. I don't feel sorry, not the least apologetic if i don't feel that i've done something wrong. I'm not someone who break rules for the heck of it. I'm not a thrill seeking anarchist.

Quite frankly, i was appalled with the entire process. It was so antediluvian and i hadn't a case for my defence. From an overzealous pobost, to an charge-happy enchik and a true to the book occifer. How can you sway a judge's decision when it has already being set?

Alas, the mistake has been made. I can't undo things. Now lay a blemish on my conduct sheet forever to be frown upon. An indelible mark etched for the rest of my life.

Oh well, life goes on. One shouldn't dwell on such matters.

tis' the season to be pissy.

2008-03-19T01:08:00.003+08:00

When the feel good sensation prolonges, there is trouble brewing in paradise. True enough, wave after wave, as i fall from a step to another. I'm pissed, people made me pissed off, i've pissed people, being pissed, well you get the idea. Retribution? Unlikely. Karma? Maybe. Bad luck? Definitely.

big 2.

2008-01-06T01:21:00.002+08:00

I'm twenty. Don't feel 20. Certainly don't look 20. But i'm glad i'm 20. More things to look foward to in the year 2008. Ok i still have to serve time in ns for another 15 months(looking at the pull out calendar of 08 at my desk is depressing enough). I'm no longer in my teens which is the age range of 11-19. I'm a certified adult!

The new year is going on fine and boy do i have plans for you. This is a year to achieve great things. Get a driver's license, rehabilitate and recuperate from my condition, then hit the gym to get myself back to shape after what office life had done to my body. Be kilat in work and get the officers off my back and keep trouble away. Stay healthy as health is very important as what i've realised from my experiences last year.

20 marks more responsibilities towards the older folks and the family. I should start thinking of the not too distant future and settle on where i'm heading for my tertiary studies after ORD-oh. That would lift a huge burden off me. Then it would be CPF, HDB, and ROM((:) and KKH. I should stop thinking of what new games to play on my xbox or what new cd am i going to splurge on.

To a blissful, satisfying 20 in the year 2008.

in retrospect.

2008-01-01T21:54:00.001+08:00

Firstly, as a matter of formality, i would like to wish all bloggers and readers a Happy New Year. May 2008 be a fruitful year as the years before and have optimism for the things to come.

I have to admit numerous times, i've harboured thoughts of chucking this blog aside or (gasp!), put its head on the chopping block. But amid the uncertaincy and throwing those thoughts out the window, the land of adiboo steps into 2008, in 1 piece, still intact into its 4th year of existence. That alone justifies the reason to keep this blog running, churning and chugging. Honestly and quite frankly, inspirations to blog are hard and far in between which explains the drought of posts.

Just an update of recent events, nothing in particular to highlight except a short hospitalisation stint. I was in the CDC from 17th to 21st of last month, warded for a flare-up of the rashes. The reason: still unknown.

Looking back, 2007 was one tumultuous year,a transition from school to the outside world. Like every new year, i've gone through new things and experienced unbridled freedom as far as the arm can reach. Here are a few highs and lows of my 2007:

Its been nearly a year since i've been diagnosed with atopic dermatitis-a year of itch. But recent event gives me a brighter outlook of things to come, hopefully the condition can be suppressed and controlled. Seriously, i think i'm allergic to my office.
With my not-too-fantastic A level results, i venture into the outside world of unlimited possibilities and now i know what it means. The choices are more than i can grapple with and simply mind boggling. The road ahead is uncertain, i really don't know which route to take to further my studies, or whether i should start working. Its a big world out there.
Probably the best period of my life, the time after As to the time i got enlisted. The 'wasted and care-free days' as i like to refer it as. It was a time of living without a care, with no worries. It was just working(our part time jobs), spending like there's no tomorrow, town rendezvous and soccer days. It was 5 months of doing nothing, and time well spent.
My time came to serve the nation and i was posted to the SCDF. I had my qualms at first, but the 7 week BRT course at BRTC changed my perception of the firefighters and paramedics. I made great buddies, not to mention enemies as well. 7 weeks may be short compared to the 6 months ERS or 9 months BOC course, but nevertheless i learnt many valuable lessons in experiences that may be pleasant and not. And POP sahboh-ing, was sweet revenge.
However the subsequent posting to 4th CD Division as a clerk had me in mixed feelings. I totally don't enjoy what i do, though its kids stuff compared to what my office-mates go through. My officers are ok, period. My office-mates, i can't ask for better mates, a great bunch. The newer batch seem more, in CD terms, legung i must say.
I did not gain admission into the 3 universities i applied, namely NUS, NTU and SMU. Oh well.
As aforementioned, i was warded, for the first time in my life. Not bad with trainee nurses slathering moisturizers on me in the buff.
2007 is remarkable in a sense that, i did not hit on any girls this year. With the exception of the coffee bean girl, its been girl barren.

And hint hint, 5 more days to the big day.

long winded.

2007-11-18T03:04:00.001+08:00

I don't know why i have a penchant for writing long entries. Gives me the kick i suppose. I need to take a leaf out of other blogs and probably i can update more often. Gah, i'm writing one now.

NS milestone.

2007-10-09T02:15:00.001+08:00

Ok i've been procastinating long enough, its time to sit down and get an entry done. Today marks the 4th month of me being in HQ 4th CD division and tomorrow is 6 months to the day i was enlisted. That spells promotion and i can hear the LCP epaulets calling. Barring a catastrophe or biblical proportions, the V epaulets should be resting on my shoulders by next month, God willing. Being a clerk isn't easy peasy as it seems, and i am actually bearing the brunt of a host of responsibilities which in truth i would rather pass. But looking back, these are the sort of challenges i'd like to tackle, especially when thrown at from my officers. When everybody's shirking and taking the easy way out, its time to step up. With great power come great responsibilities, spidey taught me well.

Also i've been bumping into a number of ex-school mates, some whom i've haven't seen in years in the most unlikely circumstances. CD reunited me with a few of my BP soccer seniors and my after hours moonlighting coincided with visits from the JC people. Pleasant surprises really. Its nice to run into old faces after a lengthy absence.

Its 2am and im officially zonked out. Its nice to be blogging again, a proper entry coming soon. Inspirations like this come far in between.

the bus diaries.

2007-07-15T11:05:00.001+08:00

Ok the therapy went well. Its effect is beginning to show and the itch and inflammation has lessen considerably. And i get time off from work twice a week for therapy; i'm not complaning. Initially i was baffled when the nurse kept reminding me to bring a sock 'just in case'. I don't need my feet covered, and the singular instead of the pair form confuses me even more. The answer came in a crude diagram in the room asking male patients to put on their sock before treatment: as in to keep the mouse in the hole, to keep the gun in the holster, you get it, you savvy?

Besides that, the frequent barging in of the nurses is a cause for concern. I know that it is in their line of duty to face such 'occupational hazards' and they are probably hardened, pardon the pun about it. But such intrusion when in various state of undress is alien to me. Perhaps i should adopt their stance and be comfortable in my birthday suit and tell the nurse i'm doing fine with a straight face.

Also, this NS thing has brought up the Mr Scrooge in me. Since i've bought the bus concession for NSF, i've been using, abusing rather this liberty of unlimited bus rides. Over the past month or so, the bus has taken me over unfamiliar terrain, sides of Singapore i've never seen before and to almost every corner of this island. Sure some journey take longer but i'm just being penny-wise. If not monotonous, it was a pleasant road trip of sorts on the road less travelled. If SBS transit or SMRT has a frequent riders club, i would definitely have qualified and rake up plenty of mileage.

The medical wrangle, see-sawing verdicts, and tug-of war between the parties is leaving me weary and jaded. Maybe its time i took a stand, but with my condition on a rollercoaster ride, i ain't taking any chances. Guess i have to keep my sock operationally ready.

Later.

ayam sakit(sick chicken).

2007-06-28T21:03:00.001+08:00

The hive of medical activity i faced during the past week was mind boggling to say the least. And i went like a broken record on a gramophone singing the same old tune of my tragic tale of self demise and untold suffering. I felt like Homer(the poet, not the Simpson) reading the Illiad. I sure could move a few hearts and draw a few tears. Apart from my mythical act of valour, i appeared before a medical board and a skin centre doctor within the span of 7 days. A redder and patchier version of myself.

The former was a cocktail comedy of errors and miscommunications(comedy here seems inappropriate as i didn't find it particularly funny at that point of time but rather the organisation which was laughable). Yes i was at fault for not being punctual(then again, i was punctual but not extra punctual as promised). The following chronological series of events were inexcusable: i waited for an hour and told i could 'go home'. And i stand accused?! I had a vague premonition that such an verdict was likely and no prize guessing the outcome. A rather paradoxical conclusion, upgrade but excused from uniform?

Thankfully, the latter was a more pleasant affair if not for the lengthyqueueing and waiting was. Can't complain though: consultation, medication and treatment all gratis, courtesy of the mighty blue 11B. The doctor was male this time round. I was quite apprehensive as first as i anticipated him to be hard-nosed and unsympathetic. Turn out he was a nice chap, more wholesome in his analysis, indulged in some small talk without negelecting the 2 medical students who sat silently wide-eyed throughout the session. I had to stand in a state of semi-undress, not like Botticelli's Birth of Venus before the trio and i was cringing. I could sense them gawking and that made the sensation worse.

I was to undergo a kind of phototheraphy where i am to stand in the buff except for a G-string(!) in a capsule that has dozens of those enlongated light bulbs and to be exposed to ultraviolet B light. Looks like some fancy tanning booth. I am both thrilled(not the prospect of sun tanning naked) and uneasy at the same time. Tomorrow is my first session and i'm rubbing my hands.

Later.

saving my privates.

2007-06-17T22:52:00.001+08:00

Fret not, this blog is not dead.I'm just suffering from a serious bout of laziness and partly due to time restrictions as well. No need to press the panic button just yet. Or call 995.

Maybe this inactivity reflects the current state of affairs of myself; stale, stagnant and devoid. So much has happened but so little has progressed. Its as though i'm walking but time stands still. I'm quite dazed by this flurry of events, its either you hop on the bandwagon or get left behind. Where everything hinges on decisions and more decisions. This is what being an adult is all about huh.

Its been slightly more than 2 months since my civilianship ended, and i have progressed from a recruit to a private, completed a clerk course and now posted to SCDF 4th Division HQ. Why clerk you ask? Well to put it short, in NS, you don't get what you want. There are many things which i would like to say, but then again, i'm bound to secrecy. So my lips are shut.

Also, i have been rejected or rather, did not qualify for any courses in NUS, NTU and SMU. Bummer. The ominous letters were expected, but it hit me harder than i thought it would. Its hard not to be disappointed after all that was went through, despite the common reason of a soar in applications due to the dragon babies. If i'm not good enough for Singapore, then i shall go overseas. No i'm not renouncing my citizenship, just being pragmatic. Its polytechnic versus foreign universities now.

Surviving on a private's allowance is no easy feat i have to admit. No skill allowance, and not combat fit makes it worse. Very recently, i went to a product introduction turned business proposition. I kind of saw that coming and here's my take. Of course you can have a head start by working now but what is the opportunity cost? The dough would undoubtly roll in but you are sacrificing your precious youth and time for $$$? Not me. Family, friends and fun is more important. There are so many things that you can do now, but not later. You can always work when the time permits and requires. (:

Friday i'm facing the medical board. Wish me luck friends.

school of gangsta.

2007-05-04T19:47:00.001+08:00

Maybe i was a little too wishful in my thinking in the last post. It was a tumultuous month at camp, full of incidents and happenings. Adjusting was okay, fitting in was alright, but getting along posed a few problems. I don't know if i can comment much on this, i don't want the MHA to come after me. If you want elaboration, talk to me personally. Plenty of juicy details. Sorry for such a short entry.

And Us, please send me a letter, any letter.

book out.

2007-04-15T15:02:00.002+08:00

I'm out, after only 4 days in camp. I can consider it a blessing compared to the army and police kids. A turbulent 4 days, and i've not sweat a drop. Please upgrade my pes status i implore.

so long. farewell. its time to say goodbye.

2007-04-09T21:28:00.002+08:00

Bye-bye hair.

Tag! You're it!

2007-04-07T00:43:00.002+08:00

'This is what you are supposed to do - cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game.. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things about themselves as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.'

1)I have a split personality-when it comes to cleaniness that is. Sometimes i can be a total neat freak, going into a cleaning frenzy when the mood kicks in. i have shelves, containers and places for each and everything-i even have a basket for socks only. On the other hand, when laziness really sets in, i can even sleep with my bed full of books and notes(i.e. exam period), paper strewn on the floor, newspaper stacked one corner, even with dirty clothes lying around for days.

2)In case you haven't noticed, i seem to be lacking in height compared to my other comrades. I seem to be walking with giants, most notably Thevane at 1.86m, Dinie at 1.83m and Adeel at 1.85(?)m, towering over me by a full 20 centimeters. My lack of vertical length cannot be attributed to genes, my brothers at 18 and 15 years old are taller than me. It doesn't help that i have UK size 6 feet(can squeeze into 5) and hands that looks like a human's compared to a gorilla if put against another person - again Thevane, Dinie, Adeel. But i'm not complaining.

3)I have a habit of scratching myself irascibly sub-consciously at regular intervals or totally random moments, a phenomenon or idiosyncrasy rather, that is caused by my moderately severe atopic dermatitis(whats that? go read it up in an encyclopedia or medical journal, rather self-explanatory), a form of ezcema which worsen considerably during my JC years which is still a mystery. Triggers include seafood(shrimp, prawn, squid etc.), dust, heat, among others. It would cause the rash to flare up, causing the skin to redden and have a searing uncomtrollable itch. An analogy would be brushing lalang grass against your skin over and over again, plus ants scattering about- times 10. Due to this, i have unusually dry skin too, so do not be alarmed to see bits of dry skin on my clothes or scaly on my skin.The discolouration of my skin is due to the use of steroids, not those blood boosting or those hormone enhancing ones. This cream would alleviate the itch to an extent, and heals the wound faster by forcing the skin to reproduce and repair faster so a relapse would not have disastrous consequences. But as a result, it causes thinning of the epidermis and de-pigmentation.

4)I am claustrophobic-pasar malams, sales, concentrations of the human race and weekend orchard road crowds are a big no-no. I just hate the sensation of being packed in a sea of bodies, no room for personal movement, being bumped to and fro, plus if its hot and stuffy, it will lead to no. 3. I also have a fear of dirt, which includes grime, moss, dust, rubbish, contaminated water. This new-found fear was discovered while working part-time as a sales assistant at 7-11 and having to clean the various nooks and crannies of the store. I would repeatedly retch, and have shivers down my spine. However mud doesn't faze me, having bathed in it numerous times in soccer matches. Weird indeed.

5)Not exactly hyperactive, i get bored sitting around doing nothing. I would yawn and yawn and feel very sleepy. My mind must always be occupied, either the left or right side or else i would be able to concentrate on what i'm doing. Plus, i seem to get tired rather easily at times and able to sleep for long periods of time- 16-20 hours at a stretch, no problem. But i wake up still feeling tired.

6)I love veggies! At the very least vaccum them all off the plate. And i always finish every bit off food on my plate, a habit nurtured from young.

People to do: Adeel, Dinie, Fizah(i think for you 10 can ah?), Soupie, Syafiq, Venetia.

Sorry for being long winded. Sounds more like an autobiography.

ask me no questions, i'll tell you no lies.

2007-04-06T23:29:00.001+08:00

At least she remembered my name. (:

the final supper awaits.

2007-04-03T18:42:00.001+08:00

As i count down the dwindling amount of time as a civilian, watching it slip from my grasp by the minute, i wish to utter my last words. Well, this is it. The transition to manhood. The long anticipated and quite dreaded day has arrived. Well moving on, i have 1 week left and i shall utilise it well. No point working it out that much cause i'm not going to morph into someone else in a span of a week. So its just lepak, pile on the pounds since i'm going to lose them anyway. So its a time to go crazy and get wasted.

Yes and finally, i'm relieved of my duties as a sales assistant at 7-11. Yes, very much about time. I told the other staff that i would be working another week, but in fact, last Sunday was my first day. I have no affection for them and wanted to leave in the quietest way possible. What was intended as a 1 month job dragged into a 2 month affair. But no regrets, i enjoyed every moment of it. Though not the most glamorous of jobs with measly pay, the daily parade of chicks and helping the customers to have a pleasant shopping experience makes it all worthwhile. And not to mention that coffee bean girl. (:

Ah, suddenly i've ran into a brick wall. Well here's something i've digged out of the past after watching Danielle on tv. Really nice song.

comfort food.

2007-03-28T15:47:00.001+08:00

A bowl of pipping hot Quaker oats, stirred with a dollop of condensed milk, topped with a layer of Milo powder. Yummy.

coffee bean coffe bean.

2007-03-26T20:42:00.001+08:00

Payday 28/3/2007, after 12a.m. Coffee bean here i come.

placebo effect.

2007-03-23T00:36:00.002+08:00

If i could compile the stuff i did post A-levels, i can create a book and name it The Wasted Chronicles. Wasting at its very best. There was scant regard for time-time wasn't a factor. It was just a matter of what and where. You name it, i'll be there. From Al-Ameen Nights, to my maiden clubbing experience, from sleeping binges to sleepless marathons-there now exist a larger repertiore of things that i can say, 'been there, done that.' And most probably, this is the only period of my life that i can afford such apathy, sloth, spendthriftness and imprudence.

Yes i've jumped straight to the acceptance stage for my results. I truly believe its a blessing in disguise. It certainly wasn't the results i desired, but i know somehow these very grades are the ones who will carry me far in life. It knocked some humility in me, teaching an important lesson on earning things the hard way. I still have not submitted the various university application forms, with deadlines looming in about a week's time despite taking time of from work(a week!).

Also, i'm sort of a anything-goes kind of person. So the bevy of courses available don't faze me. I know whatever course they throw to me, i can make it likeable and have an interest in it. But of course i would like to pick a course of my choice, to avoid the hassle of the former. Then comes the tinge of regret, peppered with the 'what-ifs' that i hope i would not even come across.

Work have been quite a bore lately. Very much subdued and a yawn. Most probably is because i'm always tired at work. I've been pestering the store manager to quit, but after some persuation and a 'bonus' of 3 days pay, i caved in to a few more days of night duty. With the new '7-11 customer courtesy' routine kicking in, your mouth would be firing greetings and pleasantries faster than a Kalashnikov's and zipping to and fro like nobody's business. Look out for it, its seriously ridiculous. All this for $4.50 per hour. You got to be kidding. Its a convenience store, not a concierge service.

Another point on work, it matter on what you wear. As in at the first look, people would judge you on your education and etiquette. Just because i work at 7-11, people assume i have no education and cannot speak proper english, while Din, attached to a polyclinic for his polytechnic ITP, wears a lab coat and people think he is a doctor. Just a point of comparison.

Been bumming a lot lately, late night suppers, some meaningless chalets, plenty of town trips, and an odd foray into the clubbing world. I think half on the time since the last entry was spent outside(not including work, which was sporadic due to my demand for pay rise), the other on my bed or watching House. The visit to MoS was alright, but it wasn't my type of chlling out. 28 buck!! Plus with the 2 drink coupons, i don't even drink. That was the 2 most expensive orange juice i ever had. Plus the smoky atmosphere(pardon the pun), dimly lit rooms, blinding lights and thumping(literally) music wasn't my cup of orange juice(or for the drinkers, fill in your choice of drink).

Maybe is aforementioned is due to the deteriorating ties at home. Communication is just for the bare necessities. I've perfected the art of one-liners. Sometimes i don't see the point in talking/answering when they already reached an conclusion. Tempers flare easily, accusations fly wildly, words fire repeatedly. Even Bush and Ahmadinejad would stop bickering and listen. Even when the tension is eased after a few days for cold war, an uneasy calm lingers. You see me as a hotel tenant, i see you as the landlord.

Many have noticed the increased discolouration of my skin. No worries about that, i'm fine. I just suffered an infection which flared my dermatitis, thus causing the rash to spread. Thankfully, a jab to the butt and a dose of antibiotics flushed out the germs and i'm rehabilitating. Doctor says another 3-6 months my skin would be more or less normal, but not so in the aspect of colour.

Some random notes: i've gained 9 kg in the last 3 months! I'm nearly broke, thanks 7-11 for delaying my pay for 2 weeks and counting. Guys want to put on weight and girls want to lose them. Adiboo and long hair don't go together. And i can't wait for NS.

"And when everything will be decided, Satan will say:"Behold, Allah promised you something that was bound to come true. I too, held out promises to you- but I deceived you. Yet I had no power at all over you: but I called you- and you responded unto me. Hence, blame not me, but blame yourselves." (Surah Ibrahim:22)

Something to ponder on.

Let's go see Raoul.

2007-03-04T02:07:00.001+08:00

Ok,my results isn't a mean feat but it isn't failure either. Yes i obtained a full certificate and passed everything i am truly grateful and blessed by it. But, it pales in comparison to what those in the upper echelons get. I don't feel happy, neither am i sad. I'm glad that i woke up in time to salvage my spiralling grades in the nick of time but then again, it was the same old story of a bit too late.

Mathematics-C Physics-D Chemistry-D General Paper-C6

No prizes guessing them. It wouldn't shoot from OFF from prelims to the other extreme end. Honestly, i was shocked with my GP results. I just scraped through, by the skin of the teeth. Any lower i wouldn't be enjoying the liberty of choice right now.

Now i comprehend the term future hanging on the balance. It is all in my hands. The weight of responsibility. Anybody have any suggestions? Just drop a shoutout.

Oh, and the title has nothing to do with this entry.

For Whom The Bell Tolls.

2007-03-01T18:14:00.001+08:00

I have another post on work but that can wait right now. After the months of avoidance and anticipation, the inevitable looms. Yes, no use denying, no use running. The past has caught up. Time to face the music. I'm worried. I'm worried that i don't feel anything right now. But worried is still a feeling right? Ok, not the best of times to engage in a rethoric debate. The point is-the release of the GCE 'A' levels is tomorrow.

I came across this in one episode of House and pardon for its morose nature.

The five stages of grief.

1.Denial
2.Anger
3.Bargaining
4.Depression
5.Acceptance.

Whatever the outcome is, i hope this might serve as a useful guide. I'm not being optimistic or pessimistic, just receiving it with an open mind and open heart. All the best people. God willing.

Occam's Razor.

2007-02-22T09:09:00.001+08:00

My job never fails to tickle me right to the funny bone or irritate the heck out of my rashes. Thus far the shenanigans of being an underpaid janitor ensues. Everyday, a new adventure awaits. I'm fitting well into my schedule as a night owl and honestly, i haven't seen daylight for some time. I'll be in bed by the time light hits the ground and when i wake up, its all dark. Reminds me of count dracula. I'm hitting the 1 month milestone this saturday, and my, what a hell of a journey it has been.

Just yesterday, a triple blackout occured close to 6 am. I can count my lucky stars that i wasn't alone at that moment. Apparently one of the chillers tripped and short circuited the whole store. Kumar my shift leader managed to find the faulty device. If it was me, i would have rolled the shutters down and sat outside till daylight. I've been briefed about blackouts by the store manager and even the security guards but it didn't occur to me that it MIGHT actually happen. It was a real eye opener well cause, it was dark.

Working through the Chinese New Year period was great too, not that it was hectic, but for the first time i actually saw the other part timers, 3 Myanmar students Lynn, Zaw and Kay. Most of the time only their names stare at me from the schedule list. Since the Chinese full timers took leave, it was 3 straight days of duty for us. From virtual strangers to close friends( me and them that is), at least some people i can get along with at work.

At that point of time too our store manager dropped a bombshell on us. I had that niggling suspicion when i first worked here and it piqued my curiosity even further after subsequent rendezvous. And Allan(the store manager) only comfirmed my worst fears. One of the area/district managers is a transexual. Yes a tranny! And the store manager of a neighbouring store is a transvestite. And it really sounded wrong when she inspected our store on CNY and told Allan," I see you have three strong guys here(me, Lynn and Zaw) and i need a huge favour from them." Ahhh!!

Being on regular night shifts alone, i'm accustomed to the night staff of paragon too, the mat secure-s and the mat deliverys. the kitchen staff of the surrounding restaurants and the starbucks and coffee bean baristas. One, no two in fact casually noted that i look Myanmar-ese. ???. Its already bad enough that i'm almost constantly mistaken for a chinese but now a Burma Boy. And this is just classic:

Gardenia Boy: Eh you Myanmar ah?
Me: No ah.
GB: Cheh, ni ching chong cheng chong ching.
Me: Bro i not chinese la. I'm malay.
GB: Wah lau eh. You sure or not?

And there is always the rude, demanding obnoxious customer. The customer is always right. Yeah right, not for me. I've been heckled, cursed and yell at in full view of all those present and at the current rate, its becoming more of a formality. Sirs and madams(erm, its usually the guys, the ladies are an awesome bunch) if you were to open your eyes an inch wider, this misunderstanding can all be avoided. And we're a convenience store, not some DIY-hardware-supermarket-restaurant-bar-lingerie shop rolled into one. And sorry sir i don't know the difference between congac-whiskey-brandy-vodka-borboun-gin&tonic-lager beer-plisner beer cause i don't drink?

Working irregular shifts is bad for you. And i can attest to that. This following incident is a clear testimony of its ill effect on your already disrupted sleeping pattern. Ok it goes like this on monday i was working the afternoon-evening shift. As usual Kumar was late and by the time i took the train, it was the last one. By then i was absolutely drained and conked out. I could help but to doze off in the train. By the time i woke up, i had not only overshot Woodlands but was stranded at Jurong East. My mind was just numb as my legs walked out of the station. It was 1.10 am. I took out my handphone thinking of booking a cab. Oh i forgot. I forgot to charge it the day before and its blank screen looked back at me. Great, my handphone fails me when i needed it the most. Well no fear i can always line up at the taxi stand, where a mini queue has formed. I check my wallet. $6.50 left.

So i was in the middle of nowhere, uncontactable and penniless(well to take a cab at least). Muse's Hysteria was blasting into my ears but i was anything but that. I was still trying to comprehend the severity of the situation partly due to my partial sleepiness and semi-ignorance/apathy. And thank God for 24 macdonalds! I bought myself a warm meal(to pass the time) and spent the rest staring at the station to look out for the first train. The night felt unbearably long( its was only 5 hours actually).

Lessons to be learned:1) Don't sleep in trains no matter how long the journey is(same goes for buses). 2) Always have sufficient cash in your pockets or atms at least. 3) Never leave house without a fully charged handphone. Its useless to have a phone with all the knick-knacks but unable to save you at the vital moments. Simplicity is the key here.

03 chalet this weekend. Haven't seen some of them for years. It would be a 3 days 2 nights. Plus i'll be working thoise nights. Juggle juggle juggle. Please don't complain of me being sleepy at work. But i'll be happy to refer you to my area manager.

Later.

mum's the word.

2007-02-17T12:41:00.004+08:00

I feel like a bloody socialite going to town everyday and especially to Paragon. Unfortunately only to 7-11. But still, i get to rub shoulders with the upmarket tai-tais and the A-list spenders who shop only at Prada, Gucci, YSL, Ferragamo,Burberry and drink only Perrier and Evian. The flurry of chicks patronising in the blanket called night is mind boggling. Rich brats with their trophy girlfriends in tow. Minahs who haven no quirks flashing wads of cash and 50 cents tissue is not an issue to them. Foreigners asking where Orchard Towers is, or 'the girls' for that matter. And plastic bags is a big no-no. Save the environment. Al Gore would be proud of them.

Speaking of boys and girls, i was on night shift on Valentine's Day night. Ferrero Rocher flew off the shelves like hot cakes. The magnutide of bouquet of flowers were engulfing. Rather unsurprising, the sale of condoms were brisk. Even at 6 am(like wth?!). And hey, i only sell them. I don't know which is safer or gives more pleasure. I may look bored and disinterested, but that doesnt mean i'm free to dish out advices to enhance your special night experience.

Being in a 24 hour convenience store has it downfalls too. No overtime. And everyday is just another day which means weekends and public holidays do not exist. And due to a shortage of staff, i'm left to tend the shop alone on certain days. Not that its extremely daunting after only 2 weeks on the job, there is a whole pile of shit to clear. I can't pull a rabbit out of the hat. No 1 man show for me. It doesn't help that the morning auntie is a real bitch and particular. 1 speck of dust on the floor and she goes berserk.

Last week's i@fun was not too bad. Better than i anticipated. It was an odd kind of homecoming and the memories just flooded in. I have no qualms admitting: I miss school. A bloody lot. I don't mind switching my current job as a sales assistant/sex expert/nightlife tour guide for a day in school. And if you happen to be in town after 11 either clubbing, shopping or looking for 'the girls', please drop by and visit me. Don't worry, i'll be my usual self.

Later.

Roar Lions Roar.

2007-02-05T08:25:00.001+08:00

Perhaps a paragraph is not apt to sum the heroics of our boys at Bangkok(hmm sounds a bit wrong) in the ASEAN Football Championship. Its quite a feat to retain the title in front of a boisterous partisan Thai crowd. They over came the odds, the tipsters and punters, and most importantly themselves. Despite Singapore being the most unfairplay team with 15 yellow cards and 1 red(Thailand not far behind with 13 yellows), this is certainly a tournament to remember(becaused i watched all matches live, duh) with the nail bitting endings and heart stopping moments at both ends of the field. Its a pity the lions are not receiving the full recognition of their efforts they truly deserve, at least leapfrog Thailand in the FIFA standings.

Alam Shah, definitely player of the tournament with his winners' medal, 10 goal golden boot tally and tournament MVP. I'd say Lionel wasn't far behind with his acrobatics between the sticks. Swansong for Mani and Aide. A baptism of fire for Baihakki, Precious and Hafiz. Bennett his usual self. Mustafic and Jiayi needs to click more. Ridhuan a revelation and his blistering pace can be a huge asset down the right. The left flank more of a problem, with Shahril, Itimi, Khairul and Fazrul filling in with varying degrees of success. Indra, fret not. You'll regain your touch for sure. Next, Asia.

Kudos to Raddy the Schemer, Alam Shah the Destructor and shame on you Datsakorn Thonglao the wimp.

Drawing an anecdote from my annals, its a similiar euphoria experienced some 1 year ago when Innova triumphed over Anderson in the North Zone. Underdogs versus Favourites. Hostile territory. Dalis the silent one. Everytime i pass by our arena of glory, i feel the same rush of emotion as Vic lifted the trophy. Probably this is what that kept us together. It was a feeling that i relished and forever will cherish, I would definitely do anything to re-live that moment.

For the Uninitiated and Uninformed.

2007-02-04T23:44:00.001+08:00

I'm not in the best of health, but i've got plenty to ramble about. A quick update on the chronicles of adiboo.I've finally sought a specialist for my skin problem. Positive results after 1 week. I've got a job. I hate it. I went for all home games of the AFC. The Thais are sore losers. Currently seeking the meaning and purpose of his life.

I asked for a referral to the National Skin Center from a Poly and got it. It was quite alright, just that the sensation of being gawked at by a group of doctors is a bit intimidating and embarassing when i'm half naked with my shoes on. Ooh, a live guinea pig! Diagnosed with moderately severe atopic dermatitis(eczema) which they claim is a typical case and quite extensive. Prescribed with some steroid cream(no, not that blood boosting, performance enhancing and muscle massing one such as anabolics and nandrolone) which helps to heal the wounds faster by forcing the skin to reproduce at a quicker rate but in turn, may cause permanent thinning and discolouration of the epidermis. After that, i got to slather a layer of white soft paraffin in liquid paraffin over the dry areas as a moisturiser. Feels like an oil bath. But its a nice feeling just that its well, oily. Due for a review in 2 weeks.

And yes, my search for a job has come to an end. I am currently a sales assistant at 7-11 Paragon or Ngee Ann City. That too, came after i called them back after i was 'assured' of a call. Well honestly, i don't enjoy cleaning softee, gulp and slurpee machines, stock up those cigs and alcohols and tend to unreasonable customers. But there is a teeny weeny bit of job satisfaction when the customers appreciate your service(mostly the young female variety). I get along well with the shift leaders. Actually nothing to complain about. Yet, in my first week, i was late twice(due to watching the AFC games at Kallang) and taken leave once(due to illness). Now i comtemplating quitting already, cause well i don't enjoy the job and i don't see the purpose of me doing this.

Having said that, maybe i should have taken the camp instructor job after all. From what i see, my colleagues they have a motivation to work, whether its for the pay as they have mouths to feed or require it for future education or businesses. For myself, i don't see how i fit in. Call me fickle call me picky. But a job has got to have satisfaction and challenges, or else it gets dull and mundane. Thats what it lacks, rather devoid of. Call it easy money, but i don't need it now. A bit for my personal expenses. Enough.

Still being in unemployment mode before this week, i was able to catch all the AFC matches live at Kallang Stadium and it was terrific. Campione Singapur! Perhaps one of the surprises of this tournament is Mohd Ridhuan and Noh Rahman, one a promising prospect and one in the prime of his career. Ridhuan has taken our breathes with his lung bursting runs and Rahman with his assuring defence even though both have not been prominently featured in the starting 11. They have to start to rely less on Lionel, as he too can be quite flappable. Someone needs to challenge Bennett on left back. And sorry Aide, time to relinquish your armband. We had great times and thanks for everything but your antics are getting more unacceptable. Even though i hate to admit this, they lions were lucky to have lifted the trophy at the end, as it could have ended prematurely even before they set foot in Thailand. And speaking of Thais, my, i have a personal message to the players: You guys are really sore losers. Period. No amount of substantiations, explanations and television replays can ever vouch for your unsportsmanlike behaviour.

Right now i'm having an uncontrollable urge to retch. I feel like shoving my fingers down my throat a la Haywire in Prison Break. This is reason number two why i want to stop working there as i always seem to fall sick when i work shifts. I was hit with a very bad flu and fever on my third day working. The long sleeves i wear to work didn't help and i developed a sore throat, cough and excessive pleghm the next day. This next part is X-rated so proceed with caution. For the last few days i felt extremely thirsty and constantly had dry lips, no matter how much water i gulp(pardon the pun) down. Oddly, i peed very little. And today when i had some bowel movement, it all came out. I was practically shitting water. Perhaps that the way my body is flushing out the germs. Hope its nothing too serious.

Word's out that 'A' levels results coming out on the 14th. And from Ahmad, not really the most reliable of sources and i'm not inclined to believe him. But nevertheless its good to be prepared. Damage control. Into the hands of fate.

Later.

the emancipation of adiboo.

2007-01-23T12:54:00.000+08:00

As my unemployment lingers, my enlistment date seems to be in the distant future. One can feel as time stands still- the seconds hand literally crawls at a snail's pace. The afternoons unbearably hot, the nights infinitely long. I hate to see my precious time ticking away and lost in translation, trickling slowly down the drain. I guess this is when the enjoyment stops. Your mates are cooped at Tekong, the rest either decked in the best serving clients and working their asses off and rolling in the dough. Money is the secondary issue here, doing something worthwhile with this limited period of time is my paramount priority. Maybe the camp instructor job wasn't a bad idea after all.

It uneasily comforting to know that you're liberated, emancipated from the shackles of responsibility but whats the purpose of life with no direction? If you derive pleasure in bumming around, adding the pounds to your belly, bathe once in two daysand sleep till the sun is sky high: be my guest. I'm more than happy to swap places with you. Anything. I plead, just anything to make my life more purposeful( like it ever was) at the moment.

I'm jaded. With the empty promises, unreturned "assured" calls, cut-throat and deceiving nature of the world of part-time employment. Its making me disillusioned, weary and extremely fustrated when spurned, looked down and paraded like a piece of meat from a butcher's shop. Dragged from the noose like a cow. I mean if you just don't want ME, just give it to me in the face, with a good explanation of course. You put me on hold, i have the right to consider other offers as well, thats my prerogative. You respect my position, i respect yours. Its mutual and work boths ways. Fancy yourselves as managers, head of HR and agents when you lack even a speck, much less an inch, of respects for others. Well, here is my parting word, i give you the finger.

I'm young and I'm hopeless.

2007-01-11T23:10:00.000+08:00

As Adeel puts it, i am indeed enjoying my unemployment and whatever peanuts i've earned during a 1 week stint at a certain mobile phone company, which was not the least uneventful but i shan't bore with the details. I've seen many of my friends lose their manes and being shipped to an offshore island to begin their duty in serving the nation-while patiently awaiting mine. I've been a carefree wandering hippie the last few days exploring lesser known shopping districts, satisfying food cravings and performing mundane tasks such as sending my phone for servicing. I even found time to clean my bedroom. Amazing!

But the sight and sound of those around me either being decked in camo or getting employment does ring a bell to me. Yes mum i'm getting a job soon. No, i not waiting for that lousy factory to call me back again. Aw come on, i've just flirted with death at the examination centre; i need a breather. This is probably the only period of my life that i can don't give a f*@&, s#$% and damn about anything.

Turned 19 5 days ago, and absentmindedly forgot to blog about it. The most important day of my life. How ironic. But rather dour and forgettable, besides ice cream and mutton chop.

My heel is killing me, most probably from the accumulated walking. And i wasn't even wearing heels.

Later.

not a boy, not yet a man.

2007-01-08T05:40:00.000+08:00

This new year marks a new chapter of my life-the transition into adulthood. I am in a position i yearned barely two month ago of unrestricted freedom, days of jolly and folly, light years away from the trials and tribulations of books and lecture notes. Yet, i do not feel the joy and happiness and relief that i anticipated. Far from it. Look at the picture: unemployed, penniless, single and seemingly having no objective in life. I am one confused lost boy. It doesn't paint a bright picture of my current status.

The privileges are gone. No more concession passes. No more student meals. Most significantly, no more school. Yes, school is a privilege, a luxury of sorts. Its a social safety net in which there is assurance. I am not ready to be an adult. I still want to be a student, having fun learning everyday, without any worries(besides exams). Being an school leaver henceforth, the burden and responsibilities are heaped on our shoulders. NS, bills, CPF, mortgage, jobs, wife, children...ok, i'm drifting off too far. But the point is, i'm stepping into a realm of the unknown.

I just turned 19 few days ago. A rather quiet and hush-hush affair, no problems with me. Remembering the day i was born is good enough, and i truly appreciate the well wishes.

Later.

hear ye' hear ye'.

2006-12-17T21:37:00.000+08:00

This is a special aannouncement: i will be unavailable for most if not all of the next 2 weeks and up to 2 months. Please do not try to contact me during daytime as i would be unreachable during daylight. Sorry for any inconveniences caused. Ciao.

telegram for adiboo.

2006-12-10T15:29:00.000+08:00

With more time in my hands then i can hold, maybe another entry would ease this surplus. A day feels infinitely long, as though it consists of 25 hours. My sleeping pattern has changed drastically, being nocturnal and a good 12+ hours spent in dreamland. Eating-wise too, my meals are reduced to one a day(late lunch or early dinner) plus the excessive snacking and supper-ing in the middle of the night. That leaves me with, approximately 10 hours for my daylight activities. Ah, time is indeed a luxury i lament.

My attempt to find a job has ran against a brick wall. Spurned, shunned and snubbed, i'm growing forlorn. Despite this temporary setback, i shall try again come monday. Courage comrade. For those who turned down my offer of employment, eat my shorts! Well, despite my tough stance, i am growing increasingly desperate as the days pass by. Another day of money-making gone with the wind. Keeping in mind my dwindling reserves of disposable income, it won't be long before i'm declared a bankrupt.

After the ruckus of a prom night, i had the realization, a telegram to my mind. And henceforth, i bury the ghost of V once and for all. As far as i am concerned, she is dead. But i do not mourn this loss for i am emancipated. Yet i still feel apprehensive. It wasn't an easy decision but i felt that it was something i should have done a long time ago. Even as i am picking up the pieces, a new hope comes shattering down to earth. I plead a chance.

Stop.

emre.

2006-12-08T23:31:00.000+08:00

How's this for a goal.

Later.

bottoms up.

2006-12-07T21:46:00.000+08:00

Ok, after recovering from my non-existent hangover, i have a confession to make: i'm sad, well, for a host of reasons. Before that, in utilitarian terms, prom was a bloody disappointment. Period. If not for the typical Innovian lackadaisical attitude and lack of adherence to ground rules, the event would have been a stale and squalid affair. I bet my bottom dollar most did not reach on time for either cocktails or dinner although stated explicitly the time was(even myself, i admit). Even when Din, Naz and myself reached the hotel lobby, most of them were still loitering around and have not entered the ballroom yet.

The function started somewhat close to 8, with Ms Yeo making a short opening speech, which was well, short. The first course came briefly afterwards, and that was as close as i came to eating. The subsequent courses were a real bummer. Hardly palatable, the dishes were a far cry from standard hotel fare. The next moments were spent in a flurry of picture snapping, people spotting and ignoring whosever's presence on the stage. In truth, Edwin's and whatsisname's rendition of songs were nice, but ill-timed. Besides the usual prom king/queen and lucky draw events, the other so-called 'competitions' had a lukewarm response.

All those aside, my congratulations to the King and Queen, the stars of the night. After prom, deciding not to go home, we wandering around Clarke Quay area finding a place to watch the Barca-Bremen game. Even flirted with the idea to go to MOS cause some people were selling us tickets at 10 bucks a piece. Ended up walking to Suntec after someone crazily suggested catching a midnight movie. No movie, went to a deserted Marina Square where some forlorn fellows were singing their hearts out at Kbox. Walked back to Clarke Quay where i entered a bar for the first time in my life. Left when coaxed to buy drinks. By then only Dinie, Aiman, Shrills and me were left. Met up with John, Esh and Calvin to walk to Boat Quay. Again another fruitless search till we were languished at Lau Pa Sat where finally a television was showing the match.

Well, what a way to hang out after prom. Took first train home with Shrills. I was certainly late, but not laid. Cheers' 'all!

Later.

plantar faciitis meningitis.

2006-11-26T17:48:00.000+08:00

Ok, to say i'm at a nadir is not quite accurate, as i'm still on my feet and not sobbing or bawling uncontrollably locked-up in my bedroom. But you get the idea don't you? Well, it hasn't exactly been a stroll in a park since my last entry. Everyday i seem to be on a loss: i wake up and wonder just what i'm doin/am going to do. Its routine now. At times i do feel perky and energized, tired and miserable when i'm not. Is this how its supposed to be? I feel like i'm wasting my time freeloading and leeching on my parents, and i see signs that i need to get a job like very soon.

What was initially a reluctant option churned out a rather unpleasant conclusion. I was diagnosed with plantar faciitis(an inflammation of the heel tendon) and some other hulabaloo which i didn't quite catch which is the weakening and softening of my knee cartilage. The doc gave me very little option, either to stop all forms of exercise or take painkillers, take all kinds of preventions and wear a knee guard and its obvious which choice i made(the latter you idiot). Its plain obvious what! Depriving me of soccer is like taking away the scotch, whiskey, gin and bourbon from an alcoholic. The repurcussions severe, the withdrawals extreme.

And that brings me to my next point. Although i do feel weird with the doc's warnings ringing incessantly in my mind, i still made it a point to exercise regularly to burn the trans fats accumulated at tea garden and excess lipids from my eat-and-sleep exam policy. Somehow the pain gets amplified and funny enough, it did not affect my play much on hard and firm ground. But today, i took a risk to take on the field once again. The outcome? A reoccuring heel blister(right at the inflammed tendon!)-most likely the effect of a tight pair of boots. Once again my spectacles were a huge hinderance- no need to elaborate about that. I failed spetacularly at my DM position, most of the time lost and badly positioned. The blister killed it and i lasted a whole 25 minutes.

Thirdly, well, to cut a long story short, the dream is over. I was just being delusional. Enough said.

Later.

the cluttered entry.

2006-11-22T00:52:00.000+08:00

4 day have passed since my last paper. I'm still trying to come to terms to my new found freedom. Admittedly, i find this transition rather odd and grappling to find my feet back. There is this void that can't seem to be filled. Its like a blur, everything happened so fast that i didn't know what hit me. Its as if school ended rather abruptly, the exams were rushed through and we're left in the cold. The morosenss is inevitable and unhelpable. I guess its just a passing phase.

So far, it has been excessive brooding and slumbering, a bout of soccer here and there and, err...thats it. The next few days would be hectic: job hunting, driving license application, more soccer, night cycling among others. Perhaps something to look foward to. I'm trying hard to shift my mind away from issues thats swirling around my head like vultures. Freting over past inabilities to deliver the goods at the right time won't relive the past. Yet, i can't seem to let it go and move on.

This post is so cluttered and disorganised, thousand apologies about that. I'm so ruffled that i can't think and write straight. So other time perhaps.

later.

the end has no end.

2006-11-17T22:11:00.000+08:00

So this is how it ends. Ironically i feel neither glad, relief or joy. More of indifference, today seems the same as the day before, and i bet tomorrow would be too. Forgive me for being a cynic, but i see no point in rejoicing, after going into battle ill-equipped and a battle that is only half won. Not as if i've toiled sweat, blood and tears, then by all means, party your socks off: you deserve it. I can't help feeling a tinge of regret, for i think i should have worked harder when the opportunity was present. In case you're wondering, i have officially finished sitting for my 'A' levels examinations, now a JC graduate and currently unemployed.

Right now, i'm being bombarded by a plethora of dilemmas, questions and thoughts. I never anticipate this day would come, and all of a sudden, i'm a free man. No more shackles, no more chains. Of course, there are a gazillion things i would like to do/try/experience while i still have youth and time on my side, but want and desire aside, i'm feeling a pinch on my pockets( i would touch on that in another entry), so many of them have to be shelved for the moment. Right now, i'm at the crossroads of my life and career. And i have absolutely no idea what to right now.

Later.

see you on the other side.

2006-10-31T22:50:00.000+08:00

I'm off for a date with destiny. Be back on the 17th. Till then,

Later.

grab the devil by the horns.

2006-10-28T00:53:00.000+08:00

Thats how you overpower it.

Later.

my heart will never be a hole.

2006-10-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

So i went for my echo 2D appointment at Alexandra Hospital this morning. I thought by being an early bird, i could cut the queue of the latecomers but apparently, everyone had the same idea. In the end, my appointment which was originally slated at 9.45 was pushed back to 11.15. Just great. One of the medical officers told the group of us that we can go have a bite at the cafeteria or some biscuits at the counter right behind us and the mat reeking of cigarette smoke with the minah beside me unashamedly gleefully proceeded to pour himself a cup of water and shared it with his hiccuping counterpart. Yeah just great dude, keep it up.

The next hour and a half was spent watching a documentary on cooking mushrooms and reading TODAY from cover to cover, and this article from the president of the Vegetarian society of Singapore urging us not to eat meat as it leads to wanton wastages of natural resources, contributes to global warming and the current conundrum called the haze caught my eye. What cow's droppings! I've never heard of a more absurd claim. Yes it is inevitable that the production of meat releases gaes such as methane into the atmosphere but that is uncomparable to what is being released due to the burning of fossil fuels. Don't tell me that what comes out from a cow's ass is more harmful than that of a car's equivalence(read: exhaust pipes). This world is getting more looney that i thought, and i thought it was just me. Just great.

The test itself was in a small room, roughly 4x4 metres. I was made to lie topless on a hospital kind of bed with a hole on the left section and surrounded by 3 female medical officers. Some kind of vaseline-like gel was smeared on my chest and one of them was using some scope and prodding it around my heart area. Blurry images of my heart was displayed on this photocopy machine-sized contraption and i was like whoa. Feels like i'm pregnant though and having an ultrasound scan on my baby. But it was my heart, for real! I actually 'saw' my heart move, some valves i presume and the expansion and contraction of the arteries.

As i was admiring the beauty of the situation the MO chided me for not breathing regularly, thus affecting the images they wanted to capture. Still wasn't satisfied, she was poking it into my rib cage. I was like hey, might as well protude it in. Of course i didn't say that. The whole procedure lasted around 20 minutes and i was allowed to leave. So i'll only know the results(maybe not) in 2 months time, and i'll get my PES too, hopefully my posting too.

Eve of the big day, and i'm down with fever and flu. Just what i needed. Just great.

Later.

shoot me in the head.

2006-10-13T15:42:00.000+08:00

Just plant a bullet in my cranium can? For what a fool i've been.

sunny side up.

2006-10-10T01:51:00.000+08:00

I'm approaching my centennial entry, something way overdue for a blog that has outgrown its infancy. It is only now that i realise, my blog is a tinge too morose, melancholic and dour for my liking, and maybe to others out there. Same old babblings, airing the past grievances and doodling on ancient and archaic affairs. Man, i need laughter therapy. A dose of humour would do me good. The Land of Adiboo is suppose to be a cheery and happy place, instead its more of a morgue filled with cold dead bodies. Currently, this gloom is here to stay, for another month at least.

This is on paper, my final days left as a student in a gahmen school. Ooh, i'm a big boy now. After spending 12 fruitful years donning school colours and sitting on the school bench, my scholar days are numbered; dwindling per rotation of the earth. Its not a good time to be nostalgic, my mind is too numbed and boggled with the various responsibilites i'm shouldering. Well, it doesn't get more depressing than this. Is this goodbye?

Later.

i'd reckon.

2006-09-29T22:15:00.000+08:00

All is not lost. However there is little room for redemption. Just a month left for a meagre salvation. This is the stark, grim and bleak reality. Nothing can be harsher and down-to-earth than this. Again the battle-cry was sounded, but a premature setback ensued. Its akin to swimming against a current only to end up where you started. I'm beaten, battered, bruised. But, this is not the end of the road.

If one word could sum of my frustrations: exasperation. The tables haven't turned and the odds are stacked even higher. The avenues are running dry and so is my peseverence. Perhaps its true that Mdm Ler said that we have low thresholds. I'm just not trying hard enough. Simple as that. Although i'm inclined to deviate the heat on myself, i refuse to point the finger at anybody except myself(the second, not middle mind you).

Well, not point staying uptight. A quick post mortem and back to business. Time is indeed worth its weight in gold right now. The end is in sight. I have tripped once. Stumbled twice. But i shall not falter.

Later.

Seoul Garden: A feast for the Goddess

2006-09-02T21:43:00.000+08:00

Okay, i must blind as a bat or just plain ignorant to certain incidents and issues that has been plaguing me. I was a nervous wreck and pseudo-emo, hey, blame the testosterones. However, i am still unable to shake off that persistent feeling which is akin to a torn embedded in the ass. Its a daily challenge to plaster that artificial Cheshire Cat smile on when deep down, it bears no scant resemblance whatsover to the stark reality.There is no juxtaposition here.

Lately i've got a 1 way ticket and taken a ride on the roller-coaster of emotions; one moment i feel on top of the world and next, i'm falling through an endless abyss that stretches to infinity. I'm slightly bruised, but largely unscathed. Rather me, i'm unrepentant. Its an infinitesimal price to pay for an experience that transcend words. Minus the agony and shortcomings, its a virtual joyride. Its when nothing else matters and you're Alice in Wonderland.

It is somewhat inappropriate of me to ramble of delusional and improbable tales right now. But i've reached a stage of a semi-comatose sensory receptor where a cocktail of jading, disappointment and blankness has reached a unprecedented high. You become desensitized and oblivious to your bearings. You're at a crossroad; pressed for a decision. There is no room for error, there is no turning back. The clock is ticking and the wolves are breathing down your neck.

One might blurt out the painful simplicity of the situation; let go and whitewash. Its not 1,2,3 or a,b,c. Its attached to yourself, and its analogous to removing a part of you. Rather, its an odd case of Stockholm Syndrome, not your typical hostage-meets-abducter. Battered and tortured my soul may be, i'm still very much clinging on to every strand, bit, ray and piece of hope for salvation. Whatever the outcome may be.

Later.

a perfect disaster.

2006-08-23T21:32:00.000+08:00

I set out monday morning, reeking of mild sureness, subtle optimism emanating as i set for school before the break of dawn. A first(reaching school before first light broke out). Even my mother thought my biological clock has gone haywire. As i made my daily pilgrimage to school, i was astounded by the serenity and tranquility of the morning, contrary to the turmoil and unrest from within. Such surreal visuals. The scene was similar in school; an empty spotless canteen greeted me as i entered, with a lone soul in the distant getting ready to doze off the semi-lit tuckshop. I sat down and scanned through the fog of darkness searching for a pair of misplaced spectacles. None in sight.

The ethereal sanguineness made me uneasy. It felt like a tropical storm in-the-brewing. It was simply a recipe for disaster. Indeed, that feeling did not last. A bomshell dropped to me during midday, something i least expect, much less anticipate. It crumbled the very foundations i was building upon. I was left picking up the pieces, looking for reasons. I thought it was the perfect plan, but it turned out 'the perfect plan' was flawed and overflowing with loopholes. I was still reeling from the after effects then.

I was dealed with a double whammy later on, much to my dismay. Impeached for laziness when i plead innocence. Convicted of a crime i did not commit. The remarks were not the least vile, but peppered with an accusing tone and a unanimous verdict of my guilt. I was deeply saddened, not to verge of tears but close to, at the prejudices one's heart contain even at this stage. I must emphasize that i am not bitter, just severly disappointed.

Well, tables can turn sometime.

These failures have got to come to an end right now.

Later.

awakening from slumber.

2006-08-17T22:29:00.000+08:00

Here i am, appearing from the obscure, springing out of oblivion to conjure a splatter of words to fill this void on the screen. It seems abrupt of me to conduct a disappearing act once again, only to poof!, appear out of the blue. I was in a temporary mode of hibernation, in self, the hive of activity within me suddenly ceased. I apologise vehemently, its not my intention to leave my beloved blog in the lurch. Thy is dear to me, you are the channel of my emotions and the canvas of my paintings. Lethargy, fatigue and exhaustion got the better of me, and i succumbed to sloth and procastination.

The sight of less than a hundred days left to A levels sent severe electrocuting jolts down my spine, forcing me to sit up and think. Think hard. Think deep. My path has deviated. My mindset clouded. I was a twisted mangled heap of anger, disappointment, fustration, resignation and regret. I had to pick myself up; the sand in the hourglass is flowing relentlessly, neither will it stagnate for a fraction of a milisecond. Massive action was needed to shift me into second gear from a previously almost stagnant and stationary state of mind and body. The inertia is immense.

Personally, i'm very dismayed at my current pathetic condition, scrimping my schecule solely for the sake of studies, slogging it out mainly to catch up with loss time and struggling with the sheer workload on my shoulders. I never envisioned myself to end up in such a situation like this. I was quietly confident that i could cope, or at least manage my year 2 works, after a late surge sufficiently catapulted me into year 2. How wrong it was. I was hoping to kick ass but in the end it was my ass that was kicked. The catious confidence turned to hubris and studies rarely became my agenda. it was often playing second fiddle to soccer; soccer training, soccer games, tv soccer. Ineluctably, A division was the priority then and studies had to take the back seat. I didn't mean it to turn out this way, but 1 thing leads to another and this, the end product.

I was facing the prospect of not getting a full certificate, much less a place in the universities. It suddenly became so real. Once at a point at infinity now dangerously close. I was honestly spooked and shooked. Its comparable to rendering my efforts all this while obsolete, void and frivolous. My foray into college was a folly and leaving with a worthless piece of paper. And i'll be facing the outside world, dazed, lost and aimless.

Well, the end is near, but not yet imminent. I still have sufficient, if not abundant time left to make a change. I'm weary, but i can't give up. These 76 days left is pivotal in determining my future, my dreams and aspirations. Nothing is for sure, and my fate isn't sealed just yet. This is it, my darkest hour. Its now or never.

Later.

indefinite suspension.

2006-07-14T19:08:00.000+08:00

Due to certain unforseen circumstances that are beyond my means of control, i am henceforth unable to blog as regularly as i please. I can't predict a comeback date yet, as i do not fathom the extent of the problem. Plus i'm busy with exams, which are just 16 weeks away. So this land with remain stagnant, for as long as this quandry remains. See you around senor~

day of reckoning.

2006-07-04T23:23:00.000+08:00

Originally i intended to do a summary of the 4 quarter-finals, but i was too lazy to do do and didn't want to state the obvious. Plus, some bitter supporter of eliminated teams thinink i'm biased, just admit your're jealous of Italy's success. So much about England winning the world cup. So much about colouring the world orange. The only thing that is orange is your face. And we're down to less than 3 and a half hours to kick off, at which the hour beckons. This is truly Italy's, and possibly Germany's darkest hour as well.

Once again, i shalt not be bold to make any kind of prediction, score, scorer, how the match progresses whatsoever. I was nearly caught red-faced due to the outcome of the USA-Italy match. So lets just watch as the saga unfolds. Well, all i can say that its going to be tough, down the wire. If its penalties, so be it.

As far as statistics are concerned, i don't give a rat's ass about those damning statistics. So what if Italy has a good track record against Germany? So what if Germany are unbeaten at Dortmund for 70 years? History is constantly being rewritten. Records are meant to be broken. And the ball is round they use to say.

To side track a bit, before assembly this morning, Mr Ngeow(sp?) the VP was walking around, he spotted me getting ready for assembly. So he comes up to me, of all people and asked me what i did for the weekends. I didn't want to be a prude, nor a goody-two shoes so i replied casually that i did nothing much and watched the world cup, hoping that he would go away cause i wasn't particularly in a chatty mood, especially with the school staff. He laughed good naturedly and said its ok but did you do any work or not. I sheepishly grinned and said yes a bit lah. He proceeded to laugh and pat me at the shoulders. Before he parted, he remarked, "World is once every four years", he paused for a while and i replied yes sir i'm aware of that and about to say its normal to be indulging in the world cup now when he added," but JC is once in a lifetime."

Not the very inspirational or quoteworthy or sayings, nevertheless its an important message that struck me right in the head. I realised i had been foolish in my words, and caught tongue-tied by the VP. 120 days to A levels. Its now or never.

Later.

for the skeptics

2006-06-29T00:55:00.000+08:00

Watch carefully as Grosso moves over the sliding Neill. 1.Firstly, Grosso is attempting to cut into his right, balancing on his left to propell him. Just as he is about to burst, Neill comes sliding in, his torso upwards blocking right in the middle of Grosso's path. Look at Grosso right ankle. It was originally pointing inwards, in an attempt to stabilize himself right after 1. 2.But it quickly darted outwards as Neill blocks his path, indicating an attempt to avoid the impending obstacle. This shows that he did not dive, and Neill was obstructing. 3.As his right leg gets past the body, Neill's head was preventing him from going through smoothly, so he had to bend foward to prevent Neill's head from slamming into his you-know-whats. 4. But, as Grosso tries to lift his left leg over Neill, Neill's left arm impedes Grosso's left leg, compounded by the inertia and momentum, trips and falls. Penalty.

Though how ugly it was won, i have to admit it was an insipid performance by Italy. The finishing was not there and i was surprised by the inclusion of Alessandro Del Piero in the starting eleven. His did not disappoint, but his lack of pace was evident and he couldn't pull a rabbit out of the hat after every move. Toni's lace of pace was exposed too, reacting slowly to a through ball and getting hacked down in the process. They weren't using the flanks to full use, instead relying on long ball from the defence which ended up as Aussie possession.

It was clear that the Aussies took to the sword, fighting for every ball and well, agressive to a point that it irks me. I don't see the justification for Materazzi's red card when: 1.he wasn't the last man, 2.he hadn't been booked before in the game and 3.had not contact with the opponent. THe guy who got tackled, Bresciano, one of the over zealous and tackle happy Aussies, banged into Zambrotta, not Materazzi and his expression after the collision was dramatic. He is one who when with the ball is capable of bulldozing through the whole defence with a high threshold for pain.

I don't see what the hoo-haa is about the Italians being cheats, when the Aussies were the ones playing dirty. And they only received 3 yellow card, astonishing isn't it? The penalty was an impending disaster waiting to happen, and it did, right at the crucial moment. It was the Aussies tactics to play physical and when it backfired, they cry foul, the ref is against them, Grosso dived...

So Materazzi is suspended. Nesta ruled himself out. Left with Barzagli and Cannavaro as centrebacks, while Zambrotta and Grosso should retain their respective positions. Zaccardo's unlikely to feature after his fluff of a clearance while Oddo's a full back too. That leaves the defence in a mini crisis which the Azzurris should be able to overcome against the Ukrainians. Just off the world cup for a moment. Former Italian-Juventus full-back Gianluca Pessotto is in critical condition after an apparent botched suicide attempt by jumping from his second floor(???) office. I was about to mention the need for a new right back and his name sprang to mind after his impressive display at Euro 2000. Zambrotta is fine, except he is more comfortable as left back during the US encounter. A right back is clearly missing in the Italian line-up for the past recent years, none gaining a firm foothole in that position. Well, this is just a thought out loud.

Later.

smiles vs frowns.

2006-06-22T21:44:00.000+08:00

(Corrected on 24/6/06)

Oh, if you have the time.

http://4millionfrowns.livejournal.com/

Later.

final 16.

2006-06-21T00:24:00.000+08:00

Since the world cup started, there has been plenty of buzz around and plenty to talk about. I read that vendors in Germany selling world cup memorabilia has started slashing prices and exhausting their stocks. Its only 12 days! Can't imagine what the rest of the days bring. And they wish the world cup will never end. Hah, me too but mine is pure footballing reasons. Of course they don't want it to end with booming sales and the endless flow of the beer taps.

Oh well, now its entering the last stage of the group matches before the knockout rounds. The usual suspects through; Brasil, Argentina, Holland, Germany, England, Spain and Portugal. Where's Italy? Ecuador is the only nation out of the big 8 to have made it through so far, joining them would most likely be Trinidad & Tobago(if Sweden loses to England), Mexico(if they win, draw or have a superior goal difference over Angola), Australia(most likely, you wouldn't bet on Japan beating Brasil), South Korea and Switzerland(they can do a favour by drawing, thus eliminating France with a superior goal difference, unless France can knock 3 or more past Togo which seems unlikely) and Ukraine.

Why have i left group E out cause its the most interesting and hardest to predict. There are 18 possible diffferent outcomes to the two matches, which might make or break a team's chances. Preferably, i'd want Italy to beat the Czechs, and Ghana to thump the Americans, that would be my ideal result. Due to the inconsistencies of the teams, this time round, let's just watch the match shall we?

Later.

120 seconds of madness.

2006-06-18T09:22:00.000+08:00

Perhaps i was too bold in making a prediction yesterday.

Once again, the Azzurris shot themselves in the foot, right at the vital moment. Dirty play and inconsistency has now become synonymous with the Italian soccer team, the new Italian job they call it. What was Zaccardo thinking? Such pedestrian nochalant defending. Even Buffon was guilty at certain points for being too casual, from throwing the ball to saving. Gilardino's goal was rather out of the blue, a well taken header, and he just faded away after that. In a spade of 120 seconds, Italy, leading 1-up, were equalized, and one man down. I've yet to forgive Totti for his flying saliva 2 years ago at Greece, and now De Rossi wants to be the new bad boy of Italian soccer by flinging his elbow into McBride's face. Straight red, what do you expect?

Even so, they did well to cope with 10 men until the dismissal of Mastroeni, which was quite harsh, but deserving as the American were overly aggresive with late tackles and a few incidents of shirt tugging. Yes he went in with both legs, which warrants a red. But he got the ball first. I guess the ref was thinking of giving a yellow but feels the offence is between a yellow and a red and so he flashes the red. Same goes for the Pope incident. They paid the price of their team mates fouls.

Toni was disappointing. Del Piero and Iaquinta couldn't do much either. Gattuso was an immediate impact and he scored and i felt the goal was legitimate as Toni wasn't offside when the freekick was taken. The Italian man-of-the-match is in my opinion was Pirlo, again, no doubt. He was the orchestra in midfield and all over the field. Compounded with the absence of De Rossi for most of the match, he did well just as Donovan was to the Americans.

Group E is now open. Game on, down to the wire. Techincally the Azzurris require just 1 more point to ensure a second round spot, but a victory over the injury hit-Ghana defeated Czechs would be a good way to cap their group stages, and just to be safe. Plus finishing top of the group would mean avoiding the table toppers of group F, Brasil, which in any case, would most likely collect 9 points comfortably. Lets just hope Italian soccer would not rear its ugly head again on the international stage. Enough of premature exits.

Forza Italia.

2006-06-17T14:45:00.000+08:00

The world cup is well underway into its second round of group matches, and let me give you my two cents' worth on the past 11 days.

Its certainly a very entertaining and exciting tournament, and its barely halfway through. Certainly living up to its hype and the build-up prior to the biggest event on earth. Let me start off with Italy. Arguably one of the closest fought matches that kept you at the edge of your seats, Italy managed to brush aside Ghana to emerge victorious. Even though many lauded the Azzurris as more experienced and displaying more flair, even me, an ardent Italian supporter played down their first victory. They were extremely lucky to have got away unscathed after withstanding wave after wave of attacks. The Ghanians were more convincing and confident in their passing, although the Italians did just as well. I just felt it was an even match. Later the Italians take on the Americans, nothing less than 3 points.

The other African teams were equally impressive as debutants, some chalking up points and goals, unfortunately no victories, yet. Ivory Coast has been eliminated. Togo and Ghana may still make it if they win their second match. Angola and Tunisia hanging on with the skin of their teeths.

The Asians teams were rather disappointing this time round with 4 different tales. Saudi squandered their 2-1 lead to draw, Iran lost to Mexico, Japan surrendered their 1 goal(albeit controversially) to the Aussies. Korea came from behind to beat Togo. Even though a win, but To(go) what? Precisely. Oh, and are the Socceroos considered Asians? Yeah with their blonde locks, blue eyes and British accents.

The favourites has meet the expectations of most, most notably Spain and Argentina mauling Ukraine and Serbia & Montenegro 4-0 and 6-0 respectively. Germany, England and Holland has made it through to the second round, although England, nevermind. Brasil seems rather quiet after their 1-0 win, on Ronaldo complaining of diziness making the headlines. Portugal and Czech Republic also managed victories, but i doubt they would go far.

The others, Paraguay's unlucky to have been eliminated. T&T, sadly, don't have the mettle to stay on. The rest rather average and even lacklustre. Nevertheless they still put on a good fight on the pitch, just a certain something lacking.

Another interesting statistic: Shamsul Maidin has refereed two matches so far, Sweden-T&T and just this morning Mexico-Angola. Both ended goaless. Both matches had 1 red card each. I'm not implying anything, just want to show something uncanny. I think he did well in both matches.

Tune in 3am later to witness an Italian triumph. Pardon my chauvinism.

Later.

the wedding:a new chapter

2006-06-11T22:35:00.000+08:00

Over the weekends, its was comparable to having another bout of chalet fever, but this time its not all fun and games. Its a wedding chalet. My mum's youngest brother, aka my uncle was getting married, and i of course, was obliged to lend in a helping hand. My uncle was rather secretive and i didn't manage to see the bride until the wedding day itself.

Went to his new house at Redhill on Friday night and watched the world cup games with my cousins. The next day went over to the bride's house to help wash dishes and serve the guests. Nothing really eventful happened.

Sunday was the busy day. Had to get ready earlier and form the wedding 'contingent' comprising of my mum's extended family to bring the gifts to the bride's side. Witnessed the exchanging of vows through the traditional muslim ceremony. This is quite a while since i was involved in a wedding, and i was overwhelmed. Then its back down to clear the dishes and serve the guests, right till the invitation period was over.

So there goes the last unmarried elder in my family, and that techinically leaves me next in line, me being the eldest cousin. Wait another 10 years can?

Later.

world cup bandwagon.

2006-06-08T22:25:00.000+08:00

Officially, i'm a new urban male(NUM for short). Sounds so cliche, though i doubt i'm one.

My new ultra green flipflops.

Pardon my sudden knack for uploading pictures, a commodity once almost unheard of in the land of adiboo. I just got a new phone equipped with a camera, so its a privilege to be relished. Still much to be desired, but make do for the moment.

In light of the upcoming world cup, i shall give my view, my pick and my analysis prior to the big kick off. There is certainly extra hype and brouhaha surrounding the 18th edition of the most wached sporting event on this planet. Certainly it wouldn't disappoint with packed surprises in store.

As usual, for the past 2 world cups, i shall be rooting for the Azzurris, the men from Rome-none other than Italy. Certain critics have liken this squad to the winning team of 1982 with the uncanny coincidences along the road leading to the world cup. However, as much as i would like to see Cannavaro lift the FIFA world cup, there is this uneasy nagging feelings that this tournament would be another heartbreak. Already drawn in a tough group with the Ghanians(sp?), Americans and Czechs, the additional spotlight caused by the match fixing saga is enough to kill the Italians even before the whistle is blown.

This time round, the might spring a surprise package in one of the non-european teams, most probably an Asian or African. Iran looks visibly stronger this time round and is the best bet to make it to the second round. At the same time not playing down the threat of Japan and Korea, however it is highly unlikely that they might repeat their feats of 4 years ago. First timers Ghana, Togo, Angola, T&T and Ivory Coast and no pushovers either having emerged victories in recent warm-up friendlies.

Do no write Germany down either, fragile as they may seem, they may be the dark horse among the favourites. Once again, the usual suspects will fail to deliver as promised; France, Portugal, Spain, Netherlandsand England. :)

After this filtering, its obvious that there is only a clear conclusion, Brasil is set to romp this tournament once again.

Roughy 24 hours left to the big kick off. Whose predictions will come true? Lets just see.

Later.

the resurrection.

2006-06-07T00:07:00.000+08:00

Alright, this is a last ditch attempt to salvage whats left of my blog, which isn't much anyway. My blog is ailing, and i hope this is the remedy. Its not particularly original,but i think its nice so anything goes. I'm here to announce that i'm still very much alive, just that i lacked the time and desire to blog for a moment.

This'll be short. I promise more posts coming right up. Any comments/improvements for this skin?

Later.

bite my dust.

2006-05-24T19:39:00.000+08:00

Little can be said about myself right now. Its so banal, and commonplace. Its like watching a sloth going about its daily activities-which isn't much. Even my entries are getting draggy and naggy. Yes, i've plenty to moan and i can rattle on and on.

I've got much matters of the heart and mind at my hands, its hard not be swayed by emotions. Maybe the jitters of exams are just getting the better of me. I don't know. A minor triumph, i got highest for gp essay-a first. Something to cheer about amid the clouds of uncertaincy and confusion.

V oh V.

The Toon Tribute.

2006-05-15T20:55:00.000+08:00

In short, this is a tribute to the passing of a legend. A giant. A hero. Arguably the best player who has donned the three lions and the black and white of Newcastle United in recent times. I need not elaborate more. Here are two videos i found, compilations of the times of Alan Shearer at the Tyneside. Enjoy my dear magpies.

Goodbye Alan. It was 10 wonderful years.

2006-05-09T20:26:00.000+08:00

Taking a breather from my sub-conscious self-moulting process, compounded with a buggy flu, a blocked nostril and congested throat. The sun never shines long enough for me. I really can do without these whathaveyous, just for a day. I do not mean to be whiny nor ungrateful. Its justs that its a great impediment to my daily activities, that its getting increasingly unbearable. I don't know about the others, but i get flustered and hot easily and the perspiration pours from an overflowed damn. Plus my skin condition doesn't really helps with the ever-present microscopic wounds which heals but multiplies at the same time.

I hate to complain, cause i'm not a whiner.

Well, it seems like time has come to a standstill for me. Like everything moves so slowly, no rush, no deadline. Everything is at a leisurely pace, just like a dreamland with the blurry images, music and all. As if i'm high on drugs. Its still fast and furious out there, why am i deluded from that reality.

Me thinks i have lost my touch to blog long entries. Let me vent it somewhere.

V, you made my day despite my current condition.

Later.

a hoo-ha hiatus.

2006-05-02T00:37:00.000+08:00

It seems that out of the blue, my blogging spirit has fizzled and evaporated, but fret not, i'm still well alive and kicking. Though i admit i'm a tad lazy to dish out an entry, here i am, in a coerced state forcibly pulling words out of my mouth and transforming them into keyboard characters. Yes, i'm back, not with a bang, nor with a whimper. Just apt. I guess i'm in a more lucid and conscious state of mind to babble.

And so things look brighter for me. It ain't all rosy, but the glimmer at the end of the tunnel is still there, flickering, but hanging on. I've passed my first maths test in 3 months. I've painstakinly catched up with loss time due to soccer matches and now getting weekly remedials for maths and consultations for chem. Just a fortnight ago all seems bleak but the blizzard has clear a little.

Studies aside, (i think) in a few weeks time, its the final curtain calls to my illustrious, underachieving and injury-plagued soccer career. Its time to hang the boots, maybe for good. I have never anticipated this moment, and it never felt more real. Reality bites hard, and nothing is harder to swallow than seeing your body struggle to keep up with the game. After 10 years playing, 6 years competitively, the game might have taken its toll on me. So Thursday's game against YJ might be my final hurrah.

After vanishing for 7 days, reappears, and gone for another 3. Well, thats V.

Later.

Double whammy part 2.

2006-04-17T19:34:00.000+08:00

This is an extension to the previous entry. I wasn't quite done there as fatigued weared me out before i could complete that entry. I've been missing countless lessons(voluntarily and involuntarily) for the past 2 weeks, not that i can help it. The exhaustion comes down hard these few days, and even a whole day's sleep could not compensate for the lost hours. The main culprit-soccer tournament, not that i'm complaining. Plus 2 of our games, including today's match against YJC are postponed due to bad weather which means that the tournament will drag a further 1 week, from the original 3 and a half.

Id you'd prefer more explicit details, please refer to IJC's soccer blog, but to sum it all up, personally, for me, this A divisions tournament have been a disaster, for the team and myself, undoubtly and undeniably. Languished at the bottom of the table, with 1 measly point to boot, our seasons is all but over after the latest defeat, extinguishing and existing hope of progressing to the next stage. It marks another season of disappointment with lacklustre results and early elimination. The northzone was just moderate success, the major championship eluded us, yet again.

Although not showing it, i think all the guys are somehow and somewhat find it a bitter pill to swallow, especially after morale and expectations were higher this time round.

The other thing i would like to mention is about, Shirley. We were both shortlisted for the GP excell programme and i was really looking foward to it. Maybe use it as a stepping stone or as an opportunity to you-know. Sadly, it was not to be. I was selected, while she wasn't. Either her essay was rejected or she didn't hand in in the first place. Another really really bitter disappointment. Oh well. Guess just some other time then. Schucks.

My Aphrodite. Nice haircut. (:

Later.

double whammy.

2006-04-13T23:32:00.000+08:00

Today i experienced, and actually played in the game with the heaviest inflicted scoreline, as in to be involved. Sure, i have witnessed Hong Kah whack 10 past Bukit Panjang some 3 years ago without a reply and most recently, the Victorians smashed 6 into Innova's net compared to a meek 1. The score was JJC 4-IJC 0. And i played about 70% of the game. I felt all four goals, balls whizzing past me yet i'm helpless and unable to prevent it. Such a feeling, it haunting. We didn't play that bad, the score doesn't justify that. And that, effectively ended any lingering hopes of progressing to the semis.

Before that, the PW results were released in school. I was really hoping for a band 1, but instead i got a band 2. I think i saw that coming. But IJ's PW results were really disappointing, i felt many more deserve to get bands 1 and 2, compared to the excess of 75% who got a 3.

Sorry for such a short and dull entry. I'm exhausted.

Later.

not meant to be.

2006-04-07T22:58:00.000+08:00

In my hash to refurbish my blog, i only succeded in messing up the whole template, and to cut a long story short, i resort to using the old templates. Nice and simple. Maybe in the near future i might attempt at some changes or fancy gizmos but for now, its the simple life; online at least. Its disheartening to see my template go to waste, but i take cold comfort in this new one.

Shall update some other time.

Later.

2006-03-30T22:03:00.000+08:00

Transcript of Commencement Speech at Standford given by Steve Jobs. Taken from http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1422863/posts

Thank you. I'm honored to be with you today for your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. Truth be told, I never graduated from college and this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation.

Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories. The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first six months but then stayed around as a drop-in for another eighteen months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out? It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife, except that when I popped out, they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking, "We've got an unexpected baby boy. Do you want him?" They said, "Of course." My biological mother found out later that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would go to college.

This was the start in my life. And seventeen years later, I did go to college, but I naïvely chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and no idea of how college was going to help me figure it out, and here I was, spending all the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out, I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me and begin dropping in on the ones that looked far more interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms. I returned Coke bottles for the five-cent deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the seven miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example.

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer was beautifully hand-calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and sans-serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me, and we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts, and since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them.

If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on that calligraphy class and personals computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do.
Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards, so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something--your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever--because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference.

My second story is about love and loss. I was lucky. I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was twenty. We worked hard and in ten years, Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4,000 employees. We'd just released our finest creation, the Macintosh, a year earlier, and I'd just turned thirty, and then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew, we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so, things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge, and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our board of directors sided with him, and so at thirty, I was out, and very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating. I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down, that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure and I even thought about running away from the Valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me. I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I'd been rejected but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods in my life. During the next five years I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world's first computer-animated feature film, "Toy Story," and is now the most successful animation studio in the world.

In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT and I returned to Apple and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance, and Lorene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful-tasting medicine but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love, and that is as true for work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work, and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it, and like any great relationship it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking. Don't settle.

My third story is about death. When I was 17 I read a quote that went something like "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important thing I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctors' code for "prepare to die." It means to try and tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next ten years to tell them, in just a few months. It means to make sure that everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope, the doctor started crying, because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and, thankfully, I am fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept. No one wants to die, even people who want to go to Heaven don't want to die to get there, and yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new. right now, the new is you. But someday, not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it's quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalogue, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stuart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late Sixties, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and Polaroid cameras. it was sort of like Google in paperback form thirty-five years before Google came along. I was idealistic, overflowing with neat tools and great notions. Stuart and his team put out several issues of the The Whole Earth Catalogue, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-Seventies and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath were the words, "Stay hungry, stay foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. "Stay hungry, stay foolish." And I have always wished that for myself, and now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. Stay hungry, stay foolish.

Thank you all, very much.

2006-03-26T07:33:00.000+08:00

Its 7.33 a.m. I'm sleepless in Singapore. Maybe its just a bout of insomnia; i haven't been sleeping well lately. Or i'm just thinking too much, which results my brain to keep running, thus unable to enter standby mode. I guess thats it, i've been too engrossed and preoccupied brooding and pondering about this and that, relatively everything. My mother even commented that i would be covered with rashes whenever exam seasons comes, cause i'm too stressed up. I merely laughed it off but somehow i think its true. That reminds me, i still have remnants of those muscle relaxant pills. It works in a jiffy; one shot and you'll be in an induced coma.

This is totally random. And unnecessary. I'll just post it anyway.

Its so silent that you can hear a pin drop all the way from Mars.

Its so still that you feel as though you're in a morgue.

Go figure.

Later.

2006-03-23T19:50:00.000+08:00

Time and time again the crux of my slothfulness and inabilities(more than1 hence the s) rears it ugly head right at the right moment. If underachievement were a skill, i would have excelled it with flying colours beyond grades, hence the perennial underachiever. Once again i'm left to bite the dust with inferiorly mediocre grades that barely meet expectations; mine, yours, them. I say, its a bitter disappointment. A terrible waste i must say. Beyond a doubt, you can't spin gold from a yarn of hay just like Rumplestiltskin did. Likewise, i can't expect to obtains results that does not equal to my efforts. Firstly, that needs to be rectified as soon as possible.

Talk is cheap, i know. I'm been ramblings the same bullshit over and over again, and what, nothing has changed. Thus forth, herein lies thy Achilles' heel. My will power is my Judas. My weak perseverence is my Brutus. The results ain't out yet, but i can feel it looming. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to predict the grades i'm going to get. Its still subject to variation from my premature foreboding. I don't want to prognosticate or prophesy even an approximation, just let the figures do the talking.

Earth wasn't made in a day, and the neither will the journey i am on. Rather ironically, i can see everything childishly simple. I can always envision it somewhere deep in my mind, yet there is this invisible mental barrier than prevents the full transition of information from cells to words. It forms a vague and hazy picture which seems so close but when i reach my hand out to it, it fades and retracts. So near, yet so far. Indeed.

I have always believed that i am capable of achieving anything, well that of within a human's means. I can't escape from being bound, shackled, sealed in a crate and thrown from the Niagra Falls; i'm no Houdini. As long as i try, put in my heart and soul, leave no stone unturned, there won't be a mission impossible. Just as Arthur Robert Ashe Jr says," Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is more than the outcome. Not everyone can be number one."

If i may add, if you work hard, you shall be duly rewarded.

Later.

Back from the Dead.

2006-03-20T19:28:00.000+08:00

And so i'm back from a rather short, or should i say non-existent hiatus. So much for a break. Pardon me, i'm feeling under the weather; where i tend to be irascible, cranky at times. The pricky red spots are sprouting like mushrooms, the dry skin peeling like a snake's. Gosh, i'm a walking scratching contraption. The urge to lacerate those raw scabs and chisel off the dead epidermis is too tantalizing. I'm being invaded by a squadron of pesky what-have-yous, help!

On a more solemn and sombre note, maths paper is tomorrow and i'm not even halfway through my revision. This is what you call digging your own grave. Its nearly six feet deep; freshly dug. Had GP paper 1 and physics today. Ain't that bad. Quite tough, but still within our capabilities. Rather critical, i'm displeased that i struggled through the physics paper although admittedly, i was ill prepared. And for GP too, i hope i wasn't too ambitious by attempting an unorthodox question. I hope i don't shoot myself in the foot, again.

This morning i was hoping hard that i would meet Shirley on the way to school and guess what, i really did. I know, its just me.

I don't know why i paid 8 Singapore bucks for a bottle of salty water to wash my lenses. Money well spent?

Later.

2006-03-18T12:48:00.000+08:00

I just don't feel like blogging. Or rather, i have nothing to blog.

2006-03-12T22:59:00.000+08:00

Rules:1.Bold the following words that are true about you,
2. GREEN! the things you wish were true,
3.add one thing true about you,
4.and then tag onetwothreefourFIVE more people.

I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch TV these days.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lens.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.(it's heaven on earth!)
I've been in a threesome.
I've been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast/unclear.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way i look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have alot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have alot of friends.
I am currently single!
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. (at home, yes)
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have made a move a friend's significant past or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
i love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
Democrat.
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone i've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who i am now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at MacDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the wrong people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers more than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongues in waves, much like a snakes slithers.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal i've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distraction.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.
i have ridden an elephant.
I love chocolates and crowns!
I go to school NOT for the sake of lessons.
I can't ride a bicycle.
i think i'm the only person crazy enough to do this at 6 in the morning without any sleep for the night.
i feel crazy.
i love tomatoes!!
i like peanut butter on bananas.
Been told "you're on fire!".
I wish my wishes come true.

Tag Yamin (again), Adeel(hope you won't mind), Amin, Eshwinder? and Bashirah.

2006-03-11T22:26:00.000+08:00

NB The author wishes to apologise for the rude outburst in a previous entry that was riddled with expletives and crude expressions. It was implusive and written out of anger. Please be reminded that that is not a true reflection of the author's true self. The author doesn't not approves of entries that are saturated with swear words and curses. Once again he sincerely apologises for the shock, grief and dismay caused. He will do his best to prevent a similar incident in the future.

Thanks you.

2006-03-11T11:59:00.000+08:00

Now i know what it feels to have to the world at your feet, for a moment that is. It was euphoric, pure distilled joy overwhelming from the hearts of 24 young men lying in a heap of distorted mangled bodies in the dusk of the 8th of March 2006. It was said that there was a glimpse of a blue moon. It was there, under the evening sky at the field of Anderson Junior College that Innova Junior College defied the odds, the circumstances, the critics and naysayers to clinch the North Zone Soccer Tournament(among JCs).

The exhilirations and jubilation have barely subsided, even days after our unexpected triumph. The elation is all over, and nobody can blame us for that. From afar we have come, a roller-coaster ride we have been through since the inception of soccer back in early 2005. We were a team still in his infancy; raw and immature. And our conquest or the North Zone title exceeds all expectations, even by ours. It may just be a mini-tournament participated by only 5 colleges, but it is an indication for better things to come.

As agreed to Skinny, it is indeed a parody of firsts for Innova and respective individuals. And now some parties and jumping on the bandwagon of our success, whom if i could recall clearly, weren't so keen on soccer as a cca and belittle us. And it wasn't all smooth sailing either. Till now, we do not have a proper field to train on. We have a shortage of funds(we even have to take public transport to go to the finals). And the was the shock departure of our former coach.

It was a proud moment, the very next morning as the trophy was handed to to the college in front of the whole school, a moment we shall all cherish. The northern conquerers each received their medal, introduced at the same time. Finally, our efforts have been lauded. It was not in vain.

And uh, i still haven't lay my hands on the trophy.

Later.

2006-03-07T21:12:00.000+08:00

Fuck XYZ optician shop(i wouldn't reveal the real name cause i don't want to be sued for defamation). But what i am saying is true, unfabricated and straight to the point. Fuck them all. Who ever heard of paying for eye consultation fees? Even if i have to pay, does it have to come at an exorbitant price? Fuck you man. You cheater conmen and women. MOH guidelines my foot. More like profiting from unsuspecting and gullible customers like me. Telling me only after the consultation that i have to pay. OH, i didn't know that 'advised to take an eye check' means having to pay for one.Mother fuckers.

I got a good piece of mind to come straight down and lose my head as well as my tongue. Fuck it man, who wouldn't be enraged? First they deceived me about the eye consultation. Then, they fucking anyhow changed my order. I SPECIFICALLY asked for dailies. Without even consulting me, they changed it to a monthly 'trial' pair. Fuck you asses la. Don't understand simple english is it? Are optometrists hard or hearing? Have a career change you sonofabitches, sell hearing aids instead. Or go for a course in english to improve your much deficient language. Fuckers.

Fuck you all. I swear i won't patronize your outlets anymore, forever. May your fucking shop close down and be bankrupt. And got fuck yourselves.

2006-03-05T23:11:00.000+08:00

100+ visits to the land of adiboo in the space of a week. Very promising statistic. I hope it would continue rising and rising :)

I thought this game was 5 wierd/random facts, but i'll just do what i'm told.

The first player of this 'game' starts with the topic '5 Wierd Facts About Yourself', and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their 5 wierd facts as well as state this rule clearly.
In the end, you need to choose the next 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Dont forget to leave a comment that says 'You are tagged' in their blog and tell them to read yours.
My Wierd Facts:
1)I'm the shortest and smallest guy in school, i think. I can't think of anybody of anybody who is inferior. Standing at 162cm and weighing 52kg. Did i mention i wear size 6.5 shoes?

2)I'm quite hyperactive and i can't stil still unless i'm engrossed into something., which means i'll get bored easily during lessons.

3)i can't wear contact lens on my own, cause my eyelids are real small.
4)At the peak season of my rashes attack(which is quite often), i sctrach quite violently and rather sub-consciously.
5)I love vegetables.

later.

2006-03-03T22:24:00.000+08:00

Its the season for waking up calls. With the coincidence of the release of the 'A' levels results, my spiralling grades and our apathetic attitudes,there isn't a more lethal combo. It can be nauseating listening to the harangue, attacking your very conscience. It seeps deep into your mind, body and soul, flows through your veins, giving a harsh but badly needed reality check. Awake from your slumber. Arise, and answer your destiny. For whom the bell tolls.

I may appear indifferent to this events but in actual fact, i have never been more conscious of the grim and bleak situation. I'm in a very tight spot. I'm lagging way behind my peers, and any hope of me catching up is fast fading if i don't budge my ass from my comfort zone and start some serious work. What i've been doing from the last two months are just the bare essentials, the minimum just to be a few paces behind. Yet i'm gasping, hardly able to breathe, and getting more breathless by the moment. That speaks volume of myself, now.

The north zone soccer mini-tournament is going well for us. Visit the soccer blog for more details.

Today, we had to visit the career fair at Suntec City. The the Muslim boys were in a bus and we were caught in a traffic jam at the CTE. So we reached even later than expected. Upon arrival, we nochalantly proceeded up to the convention centre at level 5 and at our first step in, made a detour to the world cup exibition. The main highlight was the photo taking session with the trophy itself, all 18 carats of gold. It was a rather hasty process, expected, and well, wasn't a big deal either.

After frolicking at the forbidden zone at a snail's pace, we finally went up. Initially we just lumbered around trick-or-treat-ing, snaring freebies and leflets. Nothing really grabbed my attention except the local Us(NTU and NUS) and a few foreign engineering based colleges and unis. Out of curiousity, or rather out of boredom, Pablo, Skinny, Plankton and me took a crash course in German. Just to pass the time.

After scurrying to and fro around levels 4 and 5, joined up with the male potatoes to have dinner and headed home together.

Tomorrow's game against AJ is make or break for us.

Guten Nacht.

2006-02-26T13:18:00.000+08:00

Once i mentioned that i was proud to be part chinese. I apologise. I am proud to be a malay too, i absent-mindedly forgot to add. NJC's 'Citra Hati' play-cum-drama brought that realisation to me. Cause that is what i am, or perceive myself to be. I'm a true blue malay. Born, bred, nurtured. Malay is the race on my identification card. I have a malay father and half chinese mother. Even so, i do not consider myself any less malay than those pure-bred malay. In fact, i'm a proud advocate of the malay language, culture and heritage. I can attest for that. But i condescend(now, but later elaborated).

Sadly i must admit, i am ashamed with the current tatters and shambles of the present malay community. So appaling. So decadent. Although the main theme for the night is the different forms of love, its the underlying theme of the last segment that struck a chord with me. I find it undeniably true. Malays who denounce their own heritage. You dismiss the lingua franca of the south east asia archipelago, the blood and tears of your forefathers with the simple wave of a hand. As if it is all in vain.

Do you know, that malay was highly valued back in pre-colonial and colonial past? That Ferdinand Magellan, the legendary maritime explorer had a translator who was fluent on malay? That malay comes from the Austronesian language family, which is one of the largest language families in the world?

However, i believe there are many characters out there similar to those in the fourth play. Forgetting their roots. Once they get moderately successful, or find english more comfortable, they brush off malay as if it was a speck of dust. Then there are those who admit to being malay, but do nothing about it. Their vocabulary is peppered with slangs, self-penned connotations and vulgarities with the particular lingo and colloquialism all jumbled into one: a broken language. It stings my ears when people speak malay without paying due respect to the proper pronunciation, enunciation, intonation and accentuation of the words. And it has grown in reputation idiosyncrasied as 'mat-and-minah talk'.

I say, a confession. Even since i graduated from secondary school with the highest credit in higher malay and a higher distinction in malay(not so condescending huh), i need not take AO mother tongue in JC and since, then i felt like i have lost touch with malay. Like really lost all contact. How i wish that the malay syllabus would be continuous with even higher malay which i know many would dread and moan in genuine disbelief. I would grab it with glee. And only when i'm in year 2 that Ij decided to offer the malay enrichment thingy. If only i was born a year later.

I contemplated taking Malay A, but after being disillusioned by Mymoon's hard tatics and poor question spotting back then, i didn't want to take the same risk like i did in sec 3. Once bitten twice shy? I wouldn't put it that way. Maybe i'm generalising, but malay lit in secondary school gave me the impression that it was inflexible, monotonous, all stuffing-and-regugitating. There was no room for freedom of expression and creativity. I remember Zufar relating to me their literature lessons where sex was discussed openly. Yes it was one of their themes but even when they went overboard, their teacher didn't have a problem with that. Imagine blurting out the malay equivalance during malay literature lessons. The consequences would have been dire.

We're all to blame. Sometimes its the teachers. Sometimes the parents. Sometimes just the recalcitrant child who refuses to acknowledge the malay languages as theirs'. I am blessed with teachers like Cikgu Maiza and Cikgu K who brought tarian, dikir barat, kompang, gamelan and drama to my doorstep. The sec 3 malay project on malay language further strengthened my love for the language. There was Anuar Othman who gave me the opportunity to publish a short story in a short stories compilation by BPGHS(you can find in at local libraries entitled Setitis Kasih, Segunung Harapan). I also literally tried my hands out at acting for the sayembara theater, of whom the director of that drama is the co-director of the NJC drama.

I thought i could continue pursuing it in JC, or so i thought. Unfortunately, the state of MCS in a pathetic. A big disappointment. Brackish. Static. I shan't elaborate more.

I digress too far.

There is a saying, 'Takkan Melayu Hilang di Dunia'- Never shall malay be lost/forgotten in this world. We must not let that happen. We must fight, heart and soul to preserve our rich and glorious language.

Later.