gobbledigook.
[ a morbid fascination that borders on obsession. ]
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
absent with apologies.
People ask me, what are my plans after NS. Without fail, i would pause, hesitate, ponder, err and say i don't know. Cause its the truth and nothing but the truth. They in turn raise their eyebrows in disbelief, a snigger, a snot. An incredulous 'what?', a sarcastic 'really?', an acerbic 'sure or not'. I would be lost for words, trying to conjure a meek answer, 'study', 'still considering the many options' and 'i really don't know'. This serves nothing better than to cast deeper doubts that are already bugging me. What they seem to say rather nonchalantly, are Utopian at best, given the circumstances i'm in. Not that i'm wallowing in self pity or singing an ode of woe to anyone willing to listen to my troubles.Not that i'm saying said people are apathetic or ignorant either. Maybe just blissfully unaware. Not everybody is as blessed, fortunate and lucky as you all are. With good grades which ensures a straight path to a university, surely its a welcomed headache. With parents forking out every cent of your educational expenses, whether merited or not. Private institutions and foreign schools wouldn't be out of the question, just a matter of where and when.
The saying goes-dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today. Imply i'm lacking ambition and taking an easy route is unwarranted and baseless. Sure what i'm planning seem like a step backwards but hey i'm taking risks too. I'm putting things on the line and making sacrifices. I don't have much of a choice and have to make do with what i have. The best in the circumstances i'm in.
Still, i see some uncharted avenues from what was said, so room for research. All is not bleak, maybe i should hold my head higher and a solution may be in sight.
Labels: serious black
I've got soul
But I'm not a soldier
But I'm not a soldier
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