gobbledigook.
[ a morbid fascination that borders on obsession. ]
Monday, January 30, 2006
It intrigues me, that being physically half chinese(i believe that paternal genes contribute to your 'internal' self, while maternal genes appears as your physical self, a theory which casts reasonable doubts and is unproven yet), i have yet to truly appreciate the fact that i am in part, chinese. To cut a long story short, my maternal grandmother was given away from a chinese family to an Indian family, which later converted to Islam and later on gave my grandmother to a Malay Muslim family(talk about cutting it short). So, to date, my grandmother, nor my current matenal next-of-kins are clear about our roots, hence, the chinese side was never properly acknowledged nor appreciated. We considered ourselves true blue malays though our skins betray that fact.It would be interesting to have a family of different races, a hybrid of sorts. I have often wondered what is like to be chinese, besides being called one. My tongue is hard on malay that i can't pronounce any chinese character, much less a complete sentence. My grandmother seems to be unmoved that she was given away, but can sense a hint of pride that she is still chinese. Time and time again she refuses to dig up the past and find her biological parents. The 'what ifs i am chinese' are endless, any of the 70% chinese Singaporeans could be related to me!
I don't really give a rat's ass about the food, celebrations and such. I am more keen on the language, and my missing family. A whole chunk of my family tree sawed away, lost in time and translation, erased, eliminated in a moment of hardship. I don't blame my elusive, nameless and faceless great grand parents. Survival was much important that hierachy. That shoes, i am unable to put my feet in.
Until lately, i was unable to find any of my species around. Chilays(Chinese + Malay) as i affectionately connotate them. Those i am certain are Aiman, Fizah and Su. Anybody else who is a chilay are free to meet my aquaintance. I am more than happy to shake your hand.
Later.
I've got soul
But I'm not a soldier
But I'm not a soldier
Adeel
Ahmad
Aisyah
Amin
Cikgu K
Dinie
Eisha
Emel
Evon
Fadilah
Innova Soccer
Juice
Khairiana
Khairul
Maisarah
Michelle
PeiYi
Philmon
Ramizah
Shahira
Sufie
Syafiq
Tracy
Venetia
Yamin
Zaliza
Zawiyah
