gobbledigook.

[ a morbid fascination that borders on obsession. ]

Saturday, July 16, 2005

I hate being caught in a tight spot. Thats when i will get really agressive and ultra-defensive. You use rhetoric and expect me to follow every word without question. Thats not going to happen. I'm already 17, i cannot be treated like a kid anymore. To put it simply, i don't like it. I don't like being run by someone else and not being able to make my own decisions. I don't want this to go on much longer. I'm still young and naive, but i deserve a much bigger degree of liberty, in matter pertaining myself. I got commitments, interests and stuffs that are currently urgent and important. I hardly have any free personal time. I'm always in school until late evening, sometimes until night with cca in progress. I'm already struggling with my school work, a C , 2 AO and an F for summer test is a clear indication of my lack of focus and progress in school.

Let bygones be bygones, thats my motto for this term. Forget what happened in the last semester, start anew. Or like Ms Fong said, not turn over a new leaf, become a new leaf. I'm being burdened by lots of stuff, slowing starting to pile up. Hope i can clear most of them during the weekends. Must have better time management. I don't know how to prioritize the urgent from the important and vice versa. And i also can't seem to do a decent job properly, much less complete it. I think most probably my pile of unhanded assignments are half-done or unfinished work. I'll get bored if i do a certain activity for long periods of time(except playing soccer or sleeping) and just put it aside. And if i have the time, or if i happen to have the time then i'll complete it. Really bad habit.

Basically thats it, my life is a juxtapose mess of untangible sorts of bits and pieces. I don't know where to start. I seem to shrouded in a cloud of uncertainty, almost about everything. I'm just living the day, as the day come and go. I don't want to sound philosophical, but its like a form of comformity which erodes your senses and at the extreme, your sanity. I'm trying my best not to lose touch with reality and lose my marbles. I cannnot define the thin line between certain extremes. I seem prone to error in judgement, unable to make clear-cut decisions and find the right words to say.

I'm just confused. Ok, just is putting it mildly. Sometimes i feel like i haven't a clue of whats going on around me. I don't like it when people say i'm daydreaming or not serious in my work cause it isn't the reason. I just cannot absorb it. Everything is just happening so fast. I'm always left in a daze and totally blur. I have absolutely no idea of whats going on around me. i really have to do something.

I have to catch up with the world, not ask the world to wait for me.

I've got soul
But I'm not a soldier

Adeel
Ahmad
Aisyah
Amin
Cikgu K
Dinie
Eisha
Emel
Evon
Fadilah
Innova Soccer
Juice
Khairiana
Khairul
Maisarah
Michelle
PeiYi
Philmon
Ramizah
Shahira
Sufie
Syafiq
Tracy
Venetia
Yamin
Zaliza
Zawiyah